Tuesday, May 4, 2010

May 4th, 2010


It's the end of the year, wow. I feel like I spent so much time last year standing at the edge and gazing into the metaphorical pool of college that I sort of didn't really realize when I fell in and was submerged. It literally seems to me like just yesterday I was driving home with Bailey from school and we were saying it'd be so weird to not see each other every day next year. I was never one of those people who hated high school and couldn't wait to get out, but the idea of college was, of course, alluring. While I don't know how exactly I got here, I do know that I'd come a long way. I compiled the following list of highlights:

15 things I have learned about myself this year:

1) I am a Hokie at heart J. It’s corny, but I have learned that I really belong here at Virginia Tech and I can’t imagine any place in the world I’d be happier going to college. I think the best thing I ever did was realize that life takes us where it will, and so I went with the flow and ended up at this really amazingly special place.

2) I CAN be good at living on a tight budget when I need to be. Having to save for New York City this Spring was definitely taxing, but when it came down to it, I was able to do without any extras. I’ve also realized there are going to be very few times in the foreseeable future when I’m going to have to live on a tight budget, which is nice also…

3) I probably come across a lot stronger to a lot of people than I mean to. I guess this is something I sort of realized before, but it’s really hit home this year, and I’m definitely in the process of learning when it’s better NOT to keep it quite so real with people, and to withhold my opinions when sharing them isn’t going to be constructive or helpful.

4) I’m totally over my teenage rebellion. My relationships with my family members have literally never been better. While I’ve always been close to my mom and my brother, I feel like my dad and I have totally connected this year and we have gotten really close. I’ve also realized that Jimmy is the person I miss most now that I’m at school.

5) I’m actually more economically liberal than socially liberal. This surprised me, because I’m pretty darn socially liberal. I guess with all of the financial crisis and everything economics has been more at the forefront of public consciousness, and I’ve realized that honestly, I think conservatives are more wrong about their economic views than their social views.

6) I am with the person I want to spend every day for the rest of my life with. Okay, I kind of already knew this, and I never worried that things would change when we got to college, though I know many others thought there was at least a decent chance they would. Having made it though this year and having grown together immensely in the process, I feel better and Reed and me than I ever have, and that’s saying something. It’s just like the line from the Juno song: “I don’t see what anyone can see in anyone else but you.”

7) Williamsburg has a special place in my heart as my childhood home, and a special place in my mind as what I hope will be my future home, but it is not where I want to be right now so much. I LOVE seeing all my Williamsburg people, don’t get me wrong, but in terms of where I really feel I belong at this point in my life, it’s not there.

8) I am becoming really passionate about issues of sustainability. Sustainability is a really big thing here on campus, and recent exposure to various different speakers and sources of information has made me increasingly interested in revamping the way I live and encouraging others to do the same. For example, Reed and I have decided that this summer we’re going to do one “Vegan Day” a week on which we only eat vegan foods, in hopes to cut back our meat, dairy and eggs consumption. We hope to be up to two days a week by the start of next school year and to keep going from there.

9) I am way more of a type A personality than I ever thought. Recently my life has been all about meetings, schmoozing, applications, interviews, networking, and basically trying to cram as many opportunities and activities into my life as possible, and I’ve realized I really thrive on this. For those of you I haven’t told yet, I got the word today that I’m officially being offered my own bi-weekly column in our school newspaper next year!

10) I am extremely confused on the issue of Greek life. Catch me in a bad mood and I’ll tell you that fraternity/sorority people are the stupidest, most vapid people I’ve ever encountered… catch me in a good mood, and I’ll say that I’m honestly still considering rushing next spring. Both are true to a degree and when applied to the write fraternities/sororities. So I’m still possibly up for rush and I’m also considering joining this co-ed honors and service fraternity that I got invited to for basically having good grades. Yay! Overall, whether or not I get into Greek life, I like going to a school where it’s a big thing, because I think it makes college life more fun, like even entirely outside of the party aspect.

11) I don’t mind dorm life all that much, although I’m excited to be getting an apartment next year. Although my living situation this year was weird, I’ve really enjoyed it in the end. There are definitely downsides, but I wouldn’t go so far as to say I’m not cut out for dorm life.

12)I’m going to have an interesting relationship with Reed’s family for the rest of my life. The storm clouds gathering on the horizon at the end of last summer pretty much a poured down rain on me off and on throughout this entire school year… but I guess, at least when I’m in a good mood, I see it as an interesting challenge more than something to get all depressed about (in the moment, it can be a bit much to deal with, I’ll admit). I like them and I think I can even learn to love them in the way you love family who embarrasses, annoys, and harasses you, but they’re family all the same.

13)I definitely have a problem getting to class. That’s really about all there is to say about that…

14)I am starting (just barely) to get some ideas of what I actually want to do with my life… there’s a lot floating around right now, but I’m obviously really into politics and I really would like to make some sort of life-long contribution to the party I think has the potential to make this country a greater place. Everyone tells me that all the money is in consulting these days (not just in terms of politics but in terms of, like, everything), so I guess my dream job down the line would be some sort of political consultant or campaign advisor. I’m also very interested in learning more about doing field organizing.

15) That brings me to my final point, and it’s not really something I’ve learned, but something that’s been reinforced. All that career stuff aside, what I REALLY want to do with my life is love Reed, love my family, and love my friends, because that’s all I need. Money is something I definitely want, and it’s always been important to me, but when it comes down to it, if I have the people that I love and I feel good about myself as a person, I can do without that.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Wednesday, April 28, 2010


“I’m On The Pursuit Of Happiness And I Know

Everything That Shines Ain’t Always Gonna Be Gold

I’ll Be Fine Once I Get It; I’ll Be Good”


In honor of the school year almost being done, I figured I’d write an entry to close up my year.

Despite the fact that I’m counting the days until the end of exams and, more importantly, the end of my anatomy class, I’m actually less then ecstatic to come home for the summer. At least if plans remain as they are now I’ll only have to live at home for a little less then a month. Between going to Japan for the last two weeks of May and when my lease starts in July that should leave just enough time to spend time with everyone back home and get everything together for moving in. It also means I probably won’t be having to go back to the Scotland House to work, and if I do it will only be part-time for a month. I think I can do that.

I’m soooo excited to be moving to Richmond, though. In the past couple of months I’ve realized how much I’m totally in love with this city. It just has so much character and history. When you walk down the street to where my apartment will be every house has a story. Because Grove Ave. is one of the higher end streets a lot of the houses have been renovated and have plaques on the fronts of them that tell when they were originally built. Our apartment doesn’t have that, but we’re going to go down to the public library when we move in and look up the tax records for the house so we can figure out how old it is and everything. The other day in my nursing class we learned all about the history of the Medical College of Virginia (which later joined with VCU to become what it is today), all the things we were learning were so inspiring. It was especially cool to see how some of the first graduates from the School of Nursing were actually army nurses in the Civil War. It made me proud to be part of something that has such a rich history. I’ve decided that Richmond is exactly the kind of place I’ve been hoping to live in for a while now. It reminds me a lot of Cleveland in that it is very old-fashioned feeling. It’s little rough around the edges but when you look a little closer you see how beautiful everything here is. But, unlike Cleveland, it doesn’t get nearly as cold in the winter (although it still gets a little to cold for comfort) which makes it kind of the ideal place for me. Besides the fact that the MCV hospital has a really good orthopedic department, so it’s kind of perfect? I think so!!

Speaking of nursing, between learning about all the history stuff in class the other day, visitng the CLC (Clinical Learning Center), and going to nursing school picnic last weekend my drive to be a nurse has been rekindled (I’m not going to lie Anatomy kind of sucked it out of me). The CLC was interesting because we had a bunch of senior nursing students take us around and share stories and tips about their clinical experience. I didn’t even realize I’m going to be having my first clinical next spring, that’s both terrifying and exciting! At the end of class all the seniors shared some highlights from their time at school and it was inspiring to hear them talk about how rewarding it is when you can truly help a patient and know that they appreciate you for even the littlest things you’ve done. Then at the nursing picnic we met the incoming students that are joining our graduating class. These are the kids that just applied to nursing school this past semester. We all looked so classy wearing our little sundresses and having a picnic in the garden at the School of Nursing. Then we all signed our names on the sidewalk with chalk and took lots of group photos together, I don’t know, it was just really cute - almost sorority-like. It just made me feel like we were all a big family.

Outside of school I’ve been having a really good time branching out within my group of friends. Right after getting back to school from Christmas Break I can of felt like I only ever really hung out with Kae and Lauren during the weekend. I hated feeling dependent on only a couple of people in order to ensure I had things to do. But within the past month or so I’ve been feeling like I’m really starting to get integrated into the group. In particular I’ve been spending a lot more time with Sammy and Matt. But I feel close enough to everyone in the group now that I feel comfortable asking people to do things. Like the other day I ran into Forrest on campus and invited to go to dollar taco night with Matt and me. And it turned out that all three of us ended up hanging out for the rest of the night. The past couple of weeks have been pleasantly busy between school work and social things, but I also feel like I see so many more people on a weekly basis then I used to. Dollar taco night at Little Mexico has become a weekly event as well as girls’ night with Kae, Lauren and Jen at The Village every Thursday night. It’s also really nice knowing that if I get really bored at home in June I have a place to go up here if I really want to.

In other news, I went home two weekends ago for Josh’s birthday. It was really nice. I’m loving the fact that we’re like besties now. Not even just me and Josh, but his entire family. It’s like I’m part of the family now. I just hang out there as if it were my own house. Josh will need to go do something and I’ll just chill on the couch and talk to Zach or his mom. I was a little skeptical of how things would play out after Josh kind of poured his heart out to me after Easter, but everything seems good now and he referenced going to Florida together again, so I’m thinking that’s a good sign. It was really sweet and kind of heartbreaking when I was leaving that night because he walked me to the door to say goodbye and gave me a really long hug. The kind where you know they want to tell you everything their feeling through the hug. Ironically it reminded me of this one time Tyler came to visit me at work after I told him I liked him, but I was still dating Josh and right before he left we hugged and it was the most emotional hug because both of us really wanted to be able to do more then hug but we knew we couldn’t. The saga of me and Josh is so tragic, when you think about it. Haha.

At any rate, I have one more week of classes to get through, one more anatomy practical, and two exams before I can officially end my freshman year (isn’t it incredible we’re so close to being done with our first year of college??). I’m glad that as the year is coming to close I feel so at peace with everything. I wouldn’t change anything that happened this year, it’s been an amazing year and I feel like I’ve grown so much (so corny) but it’s soo true!


Love You Guys, See You Soon!

Cougzz


PS: I’ve decided to set aside some of my work money from this summer so I can get my second tattoo when I get back to school. The next one is going to be Anne Boleyn’s crest of the falcon holding the scepter on the right side of my back just above my underwear line. Right now I’m researching vintage tattoos that were really popular in the 1940s because I think that’s what i want my 3rd one to be. I’m thinking maybe a sparrow? Whatever I end up getting I want to get it on my left thigh, high enough that shorts would cover it up. Eep, I’m psyched!!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

April 8th, 2010

I can’t get over how beautiful this campus is. I guess I didn’t really realize how much of a difference it would make to me to be at an aesthetically pleasing school, but honestly it brightens my mood more than anything to be able to walk outside and see life everywhere. The grass here is greener than any I’ve ever seen in my life I think, and I’ve certainly never had the sensation of being surrounded by so many blossoming trees. I love lying out in the courtyard behind Slusher on sunny days… it’s like having a beach in my backyard! All I need is to step out my back door and I have sun and shade and even a little patio that people can grill on. And it’s the perfect space in terms of privacy… like, not so secluded that no one else uses it, so there’s definitely socializing going on, but definitely private enough that you don’t feel like you’re sunbathing in front of the entire school. I love being able to sleep with the window open every night, especially when we have thunderstorms (we’ve been getting a bunch lately… in fact, one’s rolling in right now) and you can smell the sweet rain scent on the cool air. I love getting to have classes outside under the trees, with their boughs heavily laden with pale pink and white flowers showering petals down on us. And, as always, I love having the mountains in the distance, giving this whole place a certain air of seclusion and gravity.

In general, now that the weather has turned into that of perfect spring, and even on certain days that of high summer (minus the humidity… there’s no humidity here), I’m really getting into partaking of some of the outdoor activities in the area. New week I’m going to an outdoor farmers’ market with the kids in my FYES class, and the week after we’re going hiking in the Cascades, which is supposed to be gorgeous. There’s an “International Street Fair” going on in Blacksburg this Saturday which should be cool (lots of international foods, music, dancing etc), and the day before that is Relay for Life. I’m doing it with all the kids from Young Dems, and it’s supposed to be a really big deal here (last year, Virginia Tech broke the record for most people participating AND most money raised ever in the history of Relay for Life). Reed and I are planning on making a trip out to Mountain Lake sometime in the next few weeks, which is another big hang-out spot this time of year (and I think you can swim there!). In general it’s just great to be able to be outdoors again, especially when there’s so much to do around here!

Besides everything I’ve already mentioned, I have a lot of other stuff going on in the coming weeks as well! As you probably have gathered from whatever varied contact you’ve had with me in the last few months, I’ve made a lot of really good friends in Young Dems, and they’re all amazing. I just love that I’ve found a group of people who like to have fun but also aren’t your typical selfish, apathetic, “just wanna party” college kids. In terms of official Young Dems events lately we’ve had a Coal Debate and a Health Care Reform Debate, both of which were so fun to organize and really informative. We also have a fundraiser at Gillies’ today (it’s a local vegan restaurant), Relay on Friday, like I mentioned, and we’ve been helping out with a lot of Pride Week events because we work closely with LGBT and have a “joint-officer” between the two groups. We have Earth Week coming up which is going to be sweet, and we’re also doing some campaigning/raising awareness about getting Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repealed. Most importantly, next weekend is the Virginia Young Democrat Convention! Eleven of us are going up to Alexandria for the weekend... we sit in on lectures, meet Virginia politicians, participate in committees, and then at night it’s basically like a big party (haha). Reed and I are both really excited for that. Outside of club stuff, we mostly just go hang out at local bars, sometimes go to movies, things like that… it’s been good, not only to hang out just purely socially, but also to get to know some of the hot spots around Blacksburg better. I’m definitely considering running for an office for next year, though I’m gonna wait and see what’s actually opening up before I make a final decision… I just feel like it’d be good to start getting leadership positions under my belt this early on. It’s all about making yourself marketable for jobs after college!

Another great thing about being a part of this group is that it’s really gotten me to get to know/make an impression on my professors better, because every time we have an event I end up going to different professors asking them to help drum up interest by making in-class announcements, offering extra credit for attendance, or even just sending out an e-mail. Like today, LGBT is showing this documentary about how gay Orthodox Jews reconcile their sexuality and their faith in ultra-Orthodox communities in Israel, and I was like “Wow, we JUST discussed Judaism and homosexuality in my Religious Ethics class yesterday, I should talk to my professor about this event!” And so I did, and I really feel like that sort of interaction makes you a lot more memorable to a professor, like demonstrating that you have a cause you’re interested in and are conscientious about things you’re learning in class when you’re outside of class. I did the same thing with my Geology and Resources Geology professors for the Coal Debate, and I even ended up getting to know a professor I don’t even have because of that- she’s an Agricultural Economics professor who came as a guest lecturer to my FYES class, and I mentioned the debate to her and she got really excited about it, so I ended up keeping in contact with her! I’m really excited to be making these connections and building these relationships so early on in my college career.

Speaking of FYES, I have to say my opinion of the Honors program has totally changed in these last few months (FYES is an Honors course, to clarify). FYES has totally opened my eyes to the potential usefulness of the program and I’ve ended up realizing that Honors has A LOT to offer. I guess I was just sort of looking in the wrong places… like, graduating with an Honors degree itself isn’t really going to impress anyone that much, and I guess that’s why I was like “What is the point of this?” But I’ve come to realize that the real beauty of the program lies in the networking potential. Honors here is one of those things where it’s like “Ooh, you’re interested in this? Get in contact with this person and tell them I sent you and they’ll hook you up.” This applies to classes you want to get into, projects you want to get in on, research you want to undertake, study abroad opportunities, internships, job opportunities, everything. Like, if you’re willing to start talking to people at the bottom about what you want to do, they WILL connect you to the people at the top that will make it happen for you. Honors also has a lot of money in grants to give to students who want to start projects. For example, two weeks ago I was talking to Jeni (our FYES teacher) about how I really want to get more involved in service activities here at Tech next year and she was like “Ooh, I know someone who works at the main office of the major service organization here on campus, I’ll have her come in a talk to us next class.” And so she did, and she told us a little about herself- she’s now a graduate student here and also employed by the school to work with this service program, because when she was a FRESHMAN she had an idea for a project in which students at Virginia Tech get in touch with a particular community in Honduras (I forget the name now) and help them improve their town and distribute information to the citizens of this town. She talked to people until she got higher and higher up in terms of the people with authority to actually make this happen and she got her program funded and created! Now she actually teaches an Honors class every semester in which the students break into groups and actually work on solving real problems in this town, in close communication with the actual leadership in the town, such as water purification, food security, improving the schools… they’re solving REAL problems for real people. Some of them also go to the town every summer to see how their ideas are being implemented. I just thought it was so amazing that this girl had an idea (a really ambitious idea!), talked it up, made it happen, and as a result she’s not only helping people, she got offered a job here and is making a career out of her passion. I just thought that was so awesome.

Which brings me to a major realization I’ve had. I want to, need to do something extraordinary with my college career. I’ve come to realize that it isn’t enough in the modern world to just graduate with your degrees, your majors and your minors, your fantastic GPA (and this is assuming your GPA WILL be fantastic) and your extracurriculars and your experience working at $8.00 an hour jobs. That’s not enough to make you marketable in the modern world. You need to have something special, something that shows you’re ambitious, creative, engaged with the world- you need a project, something you can call you own. You need actual experience… not a list of “I’ve worked at Busch Gardens, Starbucks, the diner down the street”, but real work experience that applies to the real world. No where but in college are you ever going to have all the resources- the money, the mentors, the body of interested potential participants, the access to research, the facilities- to do something this epic. So I’m looking for my big idea, my project… because at the end of four years, I don’t want to feel like I just went through 100-something hours of classes, got a little piece of paper saying I have this degree, and that’s all I got out of it. I really want to do something that’s gonna make prospective employers see that I’ve gone above and beyond, that I didn’t just go to classes and work on the weekends. I want to have done something special, to have been more than a participant- to have been a leader and a creator of something.

Connecting this back to FYES, I feel like I’m already getting hooked up with some great opportunities that are gonna get me going in the right direction. For one thing, I’m really excited that Jeni is staying here next year because she got offered a job with Study Abroad, because she’s someone I’m definitely comfortable talking to, someone I can ask a million questions about a million different things, and someone who knows so many people in so many different fields and is definitely all about helping her students with networking. So I’ll have her as another resource next year to continue to help get me introduced to the right people and into the right programs. There are also a few programs Jeni’s recommended to me that I’m interested in… one is a sort of club here that’s called something like “Women in Leadership and Philanthropy”, and you have to apply to get in and everything but if you do you get paired up with a mentor who has connections in whatever field your studying and can help get you internships, jobs, scholarships, grants, etc. These women are, like, mostly “distinguished alumni” I think, and they live all over the country but they fly back here a couple times a year just to meet with you and help get you the information and the connections you need to do what you want to do, and help you formulate a long-term plan of sorts. I think this would be great (networking again, haha) and also it obviously looks really spectacular on resumes. The other thing I’m interested in is this program that does D.C. internships over the summer (Jeni was also a Poly Sci. major, which is why she was able to recommend this in particular to me), and I know less about it but definitely think it’s worth pursuing because obviously a D.C. internship is (again) going to look great on a resume, get you lots of real life experience and connections, and of course it’d be totally awesome to live in D.C. for a summer! So that’s really exciting.

I feel like with all these plans forming and coming together, with my majors and minors and ideas for service and leadership positions and things to join and ambitions to pursue, I’m finally getting a real picture of what I want college to be like for me. All along I’ve known what I DON’T want college to be- I don’t want to let my relationship be my life, I don’t want to party that much, I don’t want to not get A’s in my classes- but now I’m finally seeing what I do want. I’m starting to understand why everyone says college is the most exciting time of your life, and starting to understand that that excitement doesn’t have to be generated from getting drunk every weekend or doing stupid shit with your friends or even meeting the person you want to spend the rest of your life with (which obviously I’ve already done). I’m feeling really good about how everything’s working out and in general I feel like this has been a really life-changing semester. I literally have not had a single class I don’t LOVE, which I think it a really good sign that I’m pursuing the right things. I’ve gotten to be close with a bunch of new people who I’ve had fun with AND been able to have a deeper relationship with based on mutual values and interests. I’ve completely fallen in love with this school and totally adjusted to being here. And I’m getting some really big ideas for my life. I think all of these are really good things.

Ooh, another thing about getting big ideas for my life! I’ve made an important decision. It all started when I got handed a pamphlet walking across the Drill Field one day earlier this week. It was sponsored by, like, the vegan club here on campus (no, I am NOT becoming vegan, haha) and I decided to actually read it. It talked a lot about the cruelty that animals endure in the huge factories where they’re harvested for people to eat. It was so disgusting… like, I feel like everyone knows those animals aren’t treated well, but hearing about the specifics and seeing the pictures really hit home. Pigs are kept in stalls too small for them to turn around, much less walk. Their tails are docked in such a way that it’s extremely painful for them to be touched afterwards, which is especially cruel considering the fact that these pigs constantly bite each others tails because they’re weaned from their mothers too early and so they retain an urge to bite and suck all of their lives. Hundreds of thousand arrive at slaughterhouses already dead because of the awful conditions under which they’re transported. They leave dead animals in the cages with live ones, and sometimes when they begin to rot they just put them in the aisles between cages. The way the kill them is also incredibly inhumane, with many of them being boiled alive. And this is an animal that is actually more intelligent than a dog. Chickens and other poultry have it equally as bad. Because of the enormous amounts of waste that accumulate in their tiny cages (dozens of birds are put in one cage), ammonia accumulates and burns the birds’ skin and eyes. Like pigs, dead chickens are left in cages with the live ones. One picture showed a HUGE dumpster behind a hatchery filled with male chicks, because they aren’t of value to the egg-laying industry. The alternative to this is that they are gassed or ground up alive. Also, to stop the chickens from pecking at each other, they cut off their beaks in such a way that’s incredibly painful, and some starve to death because they never learn how to eat properly after this. Chickens in particular also start to display unnatural behavior as a result of this kind of treatment- they begin cannibalizing the other birds and rubbing their bodies against the bars of their cages until they’re featherless and bleeding. Also, because they are not mammals, it is not required that they are rendered insensible to pain before they are killed by federal law (although the reality is, many mammals are also not rendered insensible to pain successfully before being killed). Ooh, and the other thing is, chickens that are advertised as being “free range” usually have it almost as bad a regular chickens. Outside of their cages there is a two-foot-wide, three-foot-long metal chute, and the door to their cage is opened an hour a day (keeping in mind that there are still a dozen chickens per cage) so that they can go out. It’s a very misleading label, and a very dishonest practice. So I just feel like I can’t continue to condone something I think is so wrong… and I view it as being even more personal than that. I mean, what could be more personal than the food we put into our bodies every day? I don’t want that kind of ENERGY going into my body, eating foods that have been produced in such an unethical way. So I’ve decided that starting over the summer/next year, I’m going to research the practices of various food companies and try to figure out which ones are the most ethical in their treatment of animals, and then try to find a local store or market that caters to these kinds of concerns. I know that there are smaller companies that are committed to better treatment of the animals they raise and harvest, I just need to find out who they are and where I can buy their products. I know this is going to be a lot of work and more expensive too, but I just feel like I’d rather spend my time and money doing something I can feel good about than buying that many more shirts or going out to each that many more times.

Well, I guess that’s about all I have to say for now… I’m excited to see all of you in a month or so! Ooh, and I don’t know if Bailey’s talked to all of you about a possible Florida trip this summer, but she said you were all invited and I hope we can all go because it’s going to be awesome! Keep bloggin’ everybody J.

-Lizz

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Squeaky swings and tall grass


I can’t believe there are only four more weeks left of school! The weather outside definitely feels like summer, but aside from that it doesn’t feel like our first year of college should already be winding down. I’ll be relieved when this school year is over, only because I’ll finally be done with anatomy (I hate that class so much!) Tomorrow we have our third practical, then only one more!! Thank GOD! However, it being so close to the end of the year means I need to get on finding some liquor so I can accomplish my goal of going to my last week of classes drunk. Haha, not really. Only my nutrition and human bio classes (we’ve already worked out doing one shot before each class) those classes are joke anyway, and I can’t afford to go to my anatomy class drunk too much important information. It’s going to be so much fun!
This summer is definitely going to be interesting, though. I’ll be busier then I’ve ever been during the summer. We leave for our two week trip to Japan about a week after my final exam then I’ll be back in Williamsburg for about a month where I have to fit in working with going up to Ohio and possibly going down to Florida with Josh’s family to go to HARRY POTTER LAND! Then my apartment lease starts on July 1st so I’ll be moving up there at the beginning of July (fingers crossed I get a job up here by then). That give me about a month and a half to get settled in to the apartment and get ready for school. I’m so excited by the apartment!! It’s the second floor of a really pretty house on Grove street and only about a 13 minute walk from campus. I’ll be getting a bike as well to make the trip a little easier on cold or rainy days. We’re also going to get window boxes for our front window so we can plant flowers and fresh herbs like rosemary and mint! It’s going to be SO cute! And we’re getting a cat, woo woo!! I’m also excited to be up in Richmond in July to partake in 4th of July festivities and, of course, celebrate my birfffday!
Other then making plans for the apartment and studying anatomy I haven’t been up to much. Last weekend I went to Slaughterama with some friends. It was totally crazy! Slaughterama is this annual event in Richmond on Belle Isle. It’s mainly a shit ton of hardcore bike kids and hipsters, but lots of other kids go as well. Apparently the people of Richmond (who are not twenty-something hipsters or college kids) really resent the event because the city goes crazy with all these drunk kids running around the city. So even there’s a way higher amount of police out they kind of turn a blind eye to all the people walking back and forth to Belle Isle. It felt so reckless wandering around a campus filled with cops carrying a backpack filled with beer. The actual event was...definitely unforgettable. In order to get over to the island you have to cross this footbridge that hangs over rapid water. There were so many people crossing the bridge when we were heading over that the entire bridge was swinging back and forth. We hadn’t even started drinking and it felt like we were already drunk. It was terrifying!! Then when we got off the bridge you could see over the entire island and it was packed with hundreds of people and bikers doing tricks off of big wooden ramps. There was also a big covered area (this is where we spent the majority of our time there). In the covered area there was a huge circle of people crowded around the arena where “bike jousting” was going on, which is basically exactly like regular old-fashioned jousting just with tall bikes instead of horses. Being in the crowd around it was like being in a mosh pit at a huge concert except everyone was raging drunk, throwing cans of beer everywhere, and covered in mud which had been created by all the beer that was falling on the ground. By the time we left you couldn’t tell what color my shoes were because they were so covered in mud, my hair had been basically washed with beer and I had mud all over my legs and clothing. It was gross, but really really fun. Just being totally out of control and crazy.
In an unrelated note, I’ve been obsessed with listening to Vampire Weekend and Fleet Foxes lately. I also have decided to start putting aside money from working this summer to go to my next tattoo (which for anyone that doesn’t already know, is officially going to be Anne Boleyn’s crest, a falcon holding a scepter, on the lower right side of my back). I’ve also been having fun bonding with people in my normal group of friends other then Kae and Lauren. Matt (other Matt, not Daniel’s little brother) and I were buddies at Slaughterama (he was my designated beer backpack holder), I also spend a lot more time with Jimmie and Scott, I’m cursing the fact that none of these guys are dateable. Speaking of which, Daniel are cool now...or again, I don’t actually see him very often, he hasn’t been at any of our recent events. In general, concerning him it’s turning out that everyone else is also realizing that he’s growing kind of distant. We all blame it on the weed. I know that’s why, and it’s really just a shame aside from whatever my romantic feelings may have been I miss him being around when he’s NOT high. He’s just no fun when he smokes and everyone realizes that, I just wish there was a way to get through to him. Hopefully he just kind of....gets his act together. Who knows...based on the late night drunk text I got from Joey last night, which I would assume Daniel was behind, I’m going to guess he hasn’t been focusing on his schoolwork. That kids’ a mess. It’s unfortunate.
And in a closing note, I forgot to mention earlier, I found out a few weekends ago that I am a champion at flip-cup, and I am very excited by this new found talent. :-P

<3 Cougzzz

Monday, March 29, 2010

March Madness

Soooo. That was weird I guess. Alex and I are no longer together. But what?! Was he like forcing himself the whole time or something?! His text said

“I need to talk to you though. I wanted to do it in person… but every time I try it doesn’t work out..lol”
“this still doesn’t feel right… I feel like with a friend… not a girlfriend. It’s not your fault and I promise everything I said to you I meant. You are amazing and beautiful… I should like you but I don’t like you more than a friend… I tried but it’s just not something you can force.. I’m really sorry.”

It really is such a bummer. I liked him a lot. But whatever. He said that he just likes me as a friend. He wanted to stop things before they got more complicated. I told that I wouldn’t want to be friends with benefits. He said, to him it sort of felt that way… but I think it’ll be all right.

When I got to his house I asked if we could go for a walk to like get out of the house. (He wasn’t feeling good today. He might be getting sick. Heh heh I wanted to be like, “you better feel like crap because my day was crappy but you just made it shitty!!”) I told him to man up because it sucked to find out through text. He told me that he wanted to tell me yesterday but his parents kept coming in. He sent me the text because he couldn’t wait. I said, “From one friend to another, you could have just asked for a walk or something. Man up. Okay?” oh and I told him, “Not that it would matter to you or anything but, I highly suggest you work on your hugs. You give these weird retarded side hugs. I dunno I’m just a hug-y person hah” Man I should have realized that his awkward hugs would be a sign that this might not have worked out =p

Sometimes I wish I could be a bitch about stuff but now I don’t really care anymore. (and I think it’s just hard for me in general to intentionally be a bitch to someone) I’m more concerned about the new friends I made!!! Hahah Alex said that it doesn’t have to be awkward, which is good because I don’t want it to be. Hmm maybe I was more into the idea of having a boyfriend that…. I mean like he would reach for my hand. Or automatically put his arm around my shoulder when we would sit next to each other. It felt right. The fucking kid even texted me before, “I’m glad I decided to stick it out with you :)” GAH! HE’S SUCH A GIRL!

Okay. Not going to do that over thinking and “what if” bullshit.
Hahah if anything I was like, “Alrighty God, what the fuck am I suppose to learn from this?” hahah (please excuse my language xD)

Oh something random, I texted Mark, “Hey Mark is it weird for a girl to tell her guy friend to ‘man up’? hahahahaha” He replied, “No! I think that if that’s what you think then you should tell that guy to step up to the plate as a man ” lolol so that was cool! (no I’m not going to start liking Mark again…. That’s just too exhausting for me and you all too. lol) ohh well another relationship has come and gone… not even two weeks. =P

Lots of things have been happening lately. I found out a few weeks ago that my Auntie Lynn has cancer. It has spread to her ovaries. She’s getting treatment. If it doesn’t work she’ll have 6 months to live. It’s weird you hear about that sort of thing on TV or in books. But it’s happening close to my heart. Auntie Lynn lives out in Cali and has 3 kids. (All older than me but I love them all dearly) This woman built her very own dance company and it’s pretty well known in Cali. I haven’t heard about how she’s doing. But it’s hard to take in. and she’s definitely one of those relatives that I want to get to know more about but distance makes it difficult. So send a prayer/positive thoughts out please.

After Easter Sunday Dad is leaving for Iraq. He’ll be there for about nine months. He’s talking about a third deployment. I guess I feel indifferent about it. Well maybe not indifferent… just expecting it. Erm it’s just who my dad is. I mean I love him and hope for his safely you guys know that!! But yeah, I’m fine with just supporting and sending love I guess.
Mom got accepted in into the William and Mary Grad program!! Yaya!! Plus she has a job offer that I think she really wants. She’d be building a new program from the ground up. (that’s pretty much along the same lines of what my Dad is doing--- building a new program from the ground up)


I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes



And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where I want to go after TNCC. Yeah I’ve been saying William and Mary but I think I was just saying that to have a school name to throw out there you know? Actually, I’m ready to get the hell out of here. When my dad would say stuff like, “ah yes I can just picture you going to W&M and staying here…. Yada yada” it would make me want to cry. I feel like I’m trapped here. It’s ridiculous. I understand they have good intentions when they say they want me to reach my full positional, but seriously back off. I just want to get out from under this grand shadow of my parents. You guys get what I mean? As much as W&M has the name and such, I care more about leaving than a good name behind my name.

I mean I don’t need W&W to get where I want to go!! I mean sure it help some more but damn it! I want to have fun!! I don’t want to be around people who only care about studying and has the unofficial motto of, “I can’t. I have to study.” I”ve actually met people who are going places and didn’t go to flippin’ W&M!! My cousin’s friend Chris for example is going to fucking China for a year to teach!! He spent semesters in South America, twice in Greece and has been to Thailand!! He went to freakin’ CNU! So there’s proof right there!! Lolol.

(Okay please don’t come through the computer and strangle me =p) But I’ve been thinking VTech lately. I dunno, I really really like the atmostsphere. It’s far away enough to be not too close. There’s just something about Tech that feels… comfortable? Right? Nice? I love that it’s a college town and majority of the people are our age!! The food is good too. lol
Sure you may think, who the fuck transfers to tech for Education?? Lol but whatever! I’m not worrying about that yet. I haven’t gotten that feeling about any other school than Tech. SO at least I have something to work towards you know?

I’m planning on telling my parents definitely after Daddy is safely across the pond. xD

And so the Alex chapter was short and sweet. And it’s cool. I’m pretty sure that I’ll be friends with him. This relationship is nothing to cry over. Besides I got some Chinese food, went for a long walk in the rain and danced around a bit. So it’s cool.
Really, I’m done with worrying about things I can’t control. I’ve got bigger things to spaz about. =p

I miss you guys and love you lots!!! If anything I can’t wait to see you all and get good decent hugs from all of you!! What can I say? I’m a hug-y touchy-feely person?

<3

_Chrissy_

Monday, March 1, 2010

March 1st, 2010

A quick note, in honor of the start of a new month! I can’t believe it’s March already, but I have a good feeling about this month. Today I even got to wear a dress, it was so sunny and the wind was so calm (with tights, boots, a scarf, and many jackets, mind you… it barely got above 40 degrees, wind or no). I know that, although I associated March with Spring in my mind, it really isn’t going to be Spring here (or probably anywhere in Virginia) any time soon. By all accounts, we haven’t seen the last of the snowfall yet, which is a bit frustrating. Still, any excuse for a fresh start.

My classes are going well… it’s impossible to pay attention or stay focused in Principles of Economics, but I did fairly well on my first test, and I hope that if I study more outside of class that I’ll do even better on my next two. Spanish is by far my most challenging, still… it also happens to be the only class I have a midterm in, which is taking place this Wednesday. On Friday instead of normal class, we’re having a fiesta at a local Mexican restaurant, which should be… well, better than normal class, at least. Religious Ethics has turned out to be one of my favorites this semester- we just started Christianity today, so that was pretty cool. My experience in that class is definitely what’s motivated me to pursue a Religious Studies minor… though I’m not sure I’m going to be able to take any more Religious Studies classes for another year or so. Political Theory remains my favorite of all of my classes- we’re currently studying Communism, so I’ve been reading lots of Marx. It’s interesting how that class overlaps with Economics a lot of the time, especially in this particular unit. In Legends of King Arthur we’re doing the Mists of Avalon at the moment, and it’s nice to be really familiar with the text for once. I’m really enjoying going through and rereading it, but it’s really hard to make time for a book that long when I have so much else going on. My Freshman Honors Seminar has been okay; last week we had a guest speaker come in and talk to us about the appropriate way to talk to professors. She was nice, but I didn’t honestly get much out of the presentation. This week we’re going to see a presentation at the Study Abroad office, which would be significantly cooler if I had any intention of studying abroad! Ooh well. At any rate, that just about covers all my classes.

Outside of class, I’ve been keeping busy with Young Dems... right now we’re getting ready for the Coal Debate that we’re sponsoring later in the month. I personally am working on publicity for the debate. I’ve actually e-mail several professors that I have/had last semester and they’ve agreed to let me come in and do a quick promo for the debate right before the start of some of their big lecture classes, and have even said they’ll offer their students extra credit for attending the debate. Actually, one benefit I derived from the FYES guest lecturer last week was that, when I brought up that this is a project I’m working on, she offered to also let me come talk to her classes and to give her students extra credit for going. So that should be good.

In other news… well, there really is no other news. I think all of you have heard in detail about my master plan concerning my potential majors/minors, so I won’t go into that again, other than to say that I’m really excited! I have a meeting with my Advisor tomorrow, so after that I should probably know for sure exactly what I’ll be taking next semester. I guess all that’s left to say is that I’m so psyched for Spring Break, and so psyched to see all of your lovely faces!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

February 9th, 2010 and February 10th, 2010

February 9th, 2010

I feel like I should respond to some of the things people are saying in their recent entries.

First of all, it was interesting to read the results for those of you that took the personality test. In a lot of ways, I thought they were accurate, in other ways, not so much. For Chrissy: the last paragraph struck me as the most true. The test read you as being highly sympathetic and also highly self-conscious… I definitely think that applies. You are the one person who tries the hardest to be fair to everyone… and you are the one person who does the worst job at being fair to yourself! I also thought it was true that you can become restless when you aren’t around people… I always associate you with being the one who’s just like “I gotta get out of the house! I gotta see people!” So that’s definitely true for you. For Mika: it was harder for me to find you in your results, but there were moments of absolute clarity. For example, the part about needing quiet time to yourself to recharge was very much like you. Also the part that you highlighted, about being kind of private, definitely sounded like you. Finally, I think you need to develop that sense for psychic phenomena that’s mentioned at the very end, because that’s sweet! Haha.

About all the stuff with Dan: it seems like you’re getting to a good place with it, Mika. I was really glad to hear that you’re finding it easier to be angry at him, as odd as that sounds… I think that’s healthy. When you first told us about Dan, I thought he sounded like a nice guy, of course, but there was a certain sense of reservation I felt because of a few little details you mentioned- his bad grades, his smoking habits. You’re right that you DO deserve a guy who cares about his future, because you’re going to find it hard to have a future with someone who doesn’t. And it’s great that you feel motivated to better yourself because of all of this… something good can always come of something bad.

A word about your thoughts on nursing/your Anatomy class: I definitely get where you’re coming from about that, Mika. I just want to caution you not to feel obligated to anything or anyone… I feel really strongly that it’s hard to decide what you want out of life when you’re 18-22, and that’s basically what we’re asked to do in college. I just feel like it’d be a shame to stick with something out of a sense of “What else is there for me?” when you’re a freshman and still have plenty of time to explore other options. I know that it’s hard to fit extra-curriculars into your schedule in the nursing program, but I really encourage you to try to see what else is out there, because there are a million careers that you’ve probably never even considered that you might be suitable for. I mean, nursing is an awesome profession to aspire to, but I would tell anyone in your situation that you should always consider the possibility that maybe it’s not the right thing for you. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t switch your major, because that’s always, always an option. It’s way more worth it to say that you wasted your freshman year in college taking classes for a career you never ended up pursuing than saying you wasted thirty years of your life doing something that wasn’t right for you.

But it does sound like, at least in theory, you’re passionate about nursing. Which is great. I guess there’s just a fine line, when you’re in school, between “these are the classes I have to take to do this” and “these classes represent what doing this is all about”, you know what I mean? And you have to look out for that line. Like I said, nursing is the only thing you know that you’re passionate about, but the more other things you expose yourself to, the more you’re likely to either find other things you’re more passionate about and suited to or feel confident that nursing really is the right fit.

I sort of have been having a similar-ish dilemma with Spanish. It just requires so much more work than all my other classes, and I feel like I don’t have the time to devote to it that I need to really be good at it. I’m stressed about the workload… but, unlike Mika, I’m really conscious that I can quite at any time, which is kind of a good and a bad thing. I know that if I wanted to I could cut my loses and drop the class tomorrow, which helps to manage the stress that I feel about being in the class, but at the same time, I’m afraid it’s like a safe-guard for me that might be keeping me from giving my all to it and might end in me quitting prematurely. I guess we’ll see how my first test goes, later this week.

Moving on to Katie: I thought all of the ideas you shared that you have for your future were really cool! Don’t let the fact that you’ve basically already settled on a career make you feel like you can’t go out into the world and to other things, which are sometime going to be completely unrelated to said career. It was so interesting, just hearing about the things you’re invested in doing. I feel like I learned a lot about you that I didn’t know before. It’s incredible to me that you have such a clear and specific vision for your future… not just know that you want to do something with the harp, but knowing what programs you want to be a part of, realistic ideas of where you’re going to end up and doing what. I also like the idea of a really fancy fundraiser. Considering that I, of course, will be very rich, you’ll have to invite me! Haha.

[I meant to write more in response to Katie... but forgot... haha]


February 10th, 2010

It is like the Antarctic here. The snow, you know, I could deal with… it was a bit excessive, and I was starting to pine for the sight of grass or concrete or anything that wasn’t blindingly white, basically, but it was pretty in its own way. Then today the wind picked up.

I’ve never experienced wind like this. It’s so strong it makes you stagger when you walk, makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, literally. And out on the drill field… you know how it is at the beach when the wind picks up, the sand starts flying everywhere, biting into your legs and ankles? It’s like a thousand little stings every instant, adding up to a sort of exquisite pain that’s somewhere between discomfort and serious injury. Well, imagine that, but instead of sand, we have snow, and that snow is freezing cold, intensifying every sensation. It is, in short, not fun. And as I sit now up against the wall in the common room outside of my dorm, I can literally feel the wall MOVING, swelling with each gust that’s distractingly audible from this vantage, whistling around the tower at all hours of the day and night. I feel the wall straining against my back, almost as if it’s inflating, and then comes the release. This makes me feel relatively unsafe… walls are not supposed to flex and relax like this. It’s like I’m leaning up against the chest of the tower, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of every breath.

The Young Dems meeting last night was really interesting. We had a guest speaker- a professor of African Studies and Black Religions here at Tech… what this man was advocating was the putting into practice of the “delinking theory”, which suggests total separation of Africa from the West. Like… I can’t remember the last time anything has challenged my notions of right and wrong the way his presentation did. We all agree that the West has inflicted pain on Africa in many ways- slavery and Colonialism being foremost among those that come to mind. There’s nothing radical about that. But what this professor had to suggest was that absolutely no interaction that the West has had with Africa has been good for the continent. He talked about how the activities of the Peace Corp have been devastating to Africa… how missionary work there has done the indigenous peoples a huge disservice… how it’s impossible for us to have anything to do with Africa without imposing our Western concepts on them, concepts which will never fit their lifestyle or work for them as a people. It was really disturbing, some of the things he said… issues like AIDs, female circumcision (which he pointed out is often referred to as “female genitalia mutilation”, a phrase that’s loaded with Western values), genocide, are things that we should all just leave alone. The bit about female circumcision especially got to some people, and so we ended up having a more lengthy discussion about that in particular. Someone asked how it could possibly be okay for men to do that sort of thing to women, how we could allow that sort of brutality to persist. He then talked about how the West infantilizes Africa, acts as if these women can not act, speak, or think for themselves, as if there would be no reason that they would WANT to have that done to them, and then assured as that quite the contrary is true. “African women are very strong” he said “They are not blindly allowing themselves and their daughters to undergo this procedure. They are the ones who control the ritual, in fact.” Then someone pointed out “It just seems like they’re being subjected to pain and deprived of pleasure.” He said that our cultures just had very different ideas of what exactly pain and pleasure are. “What is that thing called, where the men, they run around in tights and hug and tackle each other?” he said. “Aah yes, football. To you Westerners, pain is very acceptable in that arena.” But football players choose to do that, someone said. He replied that women in fact choose to undergo circumcision, because it’s a tradition, because it’s part of their culture, because it has a significance to them that you can not comprehend. “Do you think they would not look at some of the things American women undergo and see it as subjugation and mutilation? Augmentations, liposuctions, all these plastic surgeries and fad diets and eating disorders.” It was a disturbing and compelling idea. He talked about how Truth is a very Western concept, that many languages have no word or expression for Truth. He talked about how the concept of Africa itself is entirely Western and very recent, and not something that was either logical to nor good for the actually peoples residing in Africa. It was incredible, being made to see how little the things we hold dear, like Truth, or Freedom, or Equality, translate into other frames of mind. The quintessential American values have no meaning to these people, and that, in this speaker’s opinion, is as it should be allowed to remain. “Progress is not something that Africans strive for. You are born, and you are excited by the knowledge that when you die, things will be very different, you will live in a very different world. They are born, and they are glad to know that when they die, things will be just as they were the day they were born. You can not argue that progress is good for, much less inevitable in a country where such a concept does not even exist, is not even on the radar.” Being the group of bleeding heart, save the world liberals that we are, more or less, it was hard to hear that some of our greatest aspirations (working for the Peace Corp, doing missionary work, stopping genocide and AIDs and all of Africa’s ills through policy and activism and cooperation on an international scale) where in fact, in this man’s opinion, the root of a great deal of evil. But it was impossible to sit there and think “Well, I’m right and he’s wrong to say that we shouldn’t help these people, try to ease human suffering” because he made such a compelling case for his position. He said that he is not here to educate, not here to spread knowledge… he is here to politicize knowledge, he is at war with the ideas of his opposition. He was, needless to say, extremely charismatic. And he had a really cool accent. I would definitely want every person who thinks about going to Africa (and that includes some of you, come to think of it) to hear what he has to say on the subject. I’m not saying I’m converted… but I definitely see the world in a different light than I did yesterday. And it’s definitely given me pause in terms of what’s right and what’s wrong. He said that the United States has 740-something military bases in other countries, and he said that that statistic should terrify us. We infantilize the rest of the world in the name of helping them, developing them, and we think that we know what’s best and so we impose our idea of what’s best on everyone else. It’s very clear that the United States wants to make the rules and not follow them, want to make everyone else accountable to her but be accountable to no one. He sited one fairly recently elected African leader (I can’t remember who) who said that he would be happy to continue to allow the United States to have a military base in his country if we would allow his country to set up a military base in Florida. This statistic did, in fact, terrify me, but for other reasons than the ones he was getting at. It is absurd to think that we should financially support 740-something military bases in these economic times. Defense is the most grotesquely inflated part of our budget. When American people are suffering, why are we expending so many of our resources in other countries that in many cases did not ask for and do not appreciate our presence there? That is something I can definitely get on board with.

-Lizz

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Happy Belated Chinese New Year!

Just something fun about our year! The year of the Sheep! (Or goat or ram. . . yeah. . . lol)

Years: 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, 2027, 2039

Positive Qualities: Creative, Honest, Passionate, Elegant

Grievances: Indecisive, Disorganized, Timid

Suitable jobs: actor, gardener, chief

Compatible with: Rabbits, Boar, Horses

Avoid: Ox

Ruling time: 1pm to 3pm

Season: Summer

Ruling month: July

Sign direction: South-Southwest

Fixed element: fire

Much like the way a sheep prides its wool coat, women born in the Year of the Sheep have a certain beauty and vigor about them that only adds to their elegance—something cemented by the fact that these ladies spend an exorbitant amount of time dolling themselves up. Their rooms are always filled with nice fragrances and fresh flowers, and they pay great attention to their hygiene.

While a Sheep’s love may be unconditional, their “yes means no” and “no means yes” nature can be a nightmare for any potential partner. Women of this year have a clever way to getting what they want through pitiful looks and playfully skilled pestering. Sheep are also predisposed to cuddling and, if possible, would love nothing more than to have someone stay with them every second of the day.

Sheep are shy and timid by nature and would prefer to remain anonymous rather than standing out and making a name for themselves---something that tends to happen regardless of their humble intentions.

Nonetheless, sheep are passionate about their work and everything that they believe in. they are highly religious, but also very materialistic individuals. Sheep are often dependent on the creature comforts their life brings and end up complaining over the smallest things—not realizing it may be their own disorganization that they are displeased with. Pessimists by nature and quite vulnerable, sheep do not respond well to pressure. However, they are quite adept to finding creative and natural solutions to any problems at hand.

Lol so just some fun stuff. I guess you could find some things that relate to each of us. =p

Monday, February 8, 2010

"And all is calm, all is calm"

“So take it as a song or a lesson to learn

And sometime soon be better than you were”


So, sorry for the mass influx of posts by me, but I’ve been in the mood to write a lot lately!

First, I thought the thing at the end of Lizz’s post was really interesting. Today in my Focused Inquiry class we were talking about groups of people that were oppressed and my teacher asked us if we thought that women are oppressed and all these girls in my class were talking about how they thought we were and then Kae and I brought up the fact that we thought that women who still wanted to be homemakers were more oppressed then independent women because other women are always looking down on women that are happy being domestic. I think it’s true, I honestly get really upset when I have to listen to feminist talk. In that sense I believe that my views on women’s place is very old-fashioned. As much as I want to have a successful career, the idea of cooking my family dinner and taking care of the kids is really appealing to me and I get angry when people tell me that I shouldn’t be resigned to working “the 2nd shift” at home. I know I’m an independent woman, despite the fact that I like the idea of being a homemaker. I think if I had to rate those five things in order of importance I’d probably say: emotional wellbeing, social relationships, rewarding career, physical health, and spiritual growth.


“My eyes can't look at you any other way.”


Second, I just wanted to say that I’m really glad I started going back to the gym again. I love how I can feel and see the change in my body as it gets more toned. And it’s true about those endorphins, I just feel so much more energized and confident after I’ve been to the gym. Over the weekend I took advantage of Grace not being in the room for the night and decided to sleep in only my towel. (I’d never really done that before this year except on really hot summer nights, but after my few nights at Daniel’s, sleeping without my top on I realized how good it feels). At any rate, as I was brushing my hair before bed I happened to glance over in the mirror and was honestly impressed by how I looked. I don’t mean to brag, but I love my body!! I could see the subtle definition of muscle on my thighs from my time on the treadmill and stationary bike. And my boobs looked so perky and my stomach was nice and smooth. When I faced the mirror straight on I could admire my thin waist and if I turned around I could see the dimples on my back. Even my arms are starting to get muscle tone! Basically my way of counteracting being upset about things with Dan is making myself the best I can be, both inside and out. I’ve been eating healthier, working out, investing in a new wardrobe and working on clearing up my skin. It makes me feel better because I’m beginning to feel like he never deserved me anyway. And maybe he’ll even regret letting me go? I’m starting to realize I can do so much better then him, and I deserve someone that not only cares about me but cares about themselves and their future.

Despite the whole Dan fiasco, the other day I stopped and thought about it and realized how much I love the people I’ve made friendships with this year. I've been thinking about it a lot since the weekend. On Friday Joey invited us all over to his place, so Lauren and I braved the sleet and the cold and walked all the way out to 3rd street. Needless to say we were soaking wet and freezing when we got there, but it ended up being worth it. After two straight weekends of me partying way to hard for my own good, I had decided to take a break from any hardcore partying and had decided not to purchase in drank for the evening. We had some leftover beers from the previous weekend, so I indulged in one so I could participate in a game of Kings and then a game of Fuck the Dealer. However, everyone else was outdoing themselves. But, I was having fun and proud of myself for being able to control the urge to take advantage of Dan in his VERY drunken state (this was the first time he’d gotten ridiculously drunk in ages. At one point he was just sitting there lip-syncing the words to the 90s rap song that plays at the beginning of Office Space...hilarious). Around midnight almost everyone decided to call it a night (on the plus side this included the dirty hippies like Rachel who had previously been jumping around pretending to be pikachu and Scott. But the downside was that Andy, Kae, and Lauren all wanted to leave as well and Andy was my ride home). I really wanted to stay but I didn’t want to stay behind if it was just going to be Joe, Joey, Dan, and Jimmy, on account of not wanting it to look like I was hanging around just to be near Dan. So I convinced Sammy to stay with me so that there was another girl around. Basically after everyone else left it was so much more chill. Everyone wanted to smoke so I indulged in one hit and got pleasantly lazy and Sammy, Joe, Jimmy, and I all took a couple of vodka shots. Everyone was just being really nice and chill. I went out with Sammy and Joe when they went to smoke cigarettes on the balcony and we just talked about our philosophies on marriage and relationships and I realized how much Sammy and I have in common as far as our opinions on that stuff. Then when we went back inside Joey was like, “Miko! I really love partying with you! You and me get high at the exact same pace and we have the same birthday! It’s freaking awesome!” Haha. I really love Joey. I know that comment sounds like something only a drunk person would say, but Joey is always like that about me, even when he’s sober (too bad he has a girlfriend that he’s totally in love with). Then after me and Sammy’s third shot, Joe made me coffee out of his french press, which was very delicious and we all just vegged out. Joey reminded me of the first time we met and Dan played some more 90s music, and we all just chilled. It was really nice. Before we left I ran into Dan in the hallway on the way to the bathroom and high-fived and it was really nice because even though I initiated the first high five he totally high-fived me a second time and then even hugged me goodbye as I left. In the car, Joe and I just talked about classical music and shit like that. I guess I really liked that I was able to drink and smoke and have fun but I also realized I could control myself (unlike the previous two weekends). And I love that everyone is so accepting and chill and I can just talk with all of them about lots of different stuff.

Lastly, as I stated in my earlier post, I’ve continued to be ultra-stressed about my studying for anatomy. I have my first practical in lab this week and I’m really nervous about it. But, the other day I was in the library and I was feeling like their was no way I would ever learn all the stuff I needed to learn for the test and I started questioning why I’m even going to school for nursing. But I realized, the thing that kind of sucks about all this is that I really can’t give up and switch my major, no matter how overwhelming it seems, because nursing is like the one career I have a real passion to pursue. There are things that come easier to me, like music or any other type of art, but being a nurse enables me to do the one thing I’m most driven to pursue. So I guess I’ll be sticking it out. I’ve been studying for the practical every night so far so at least I’m trying my hardest, I suppose.


“Knowing up here, there comes a fork in the road, pants have gotta go, we're on an island on the fourth of July, looks like the tide is going home.”


-Cougzzz