February 9th, 2010 and February 10th, 2010

February 9^th, 2010

I feel like I should respond to some of the things people are saying in their recent entries.

First of all, it was interesting to read the results for those of you that took the personality test. In a lot of ways, I thought they were accurate, in other ways, not so much. For Chrissy: the last paragraph struck me as the most true. The test read you as being highly sympathetic and also highly self-conscious… I definitely think that applies. You are the one person who tries the hardest to be fair to everyone… and you are the one person who does the worst job at being fair to yourself! I also thought it was true that you can become restless when you aren’t around people… I always associate you with being the one who’s just like “I gotta get out of the house! I gotta see people!” So that’s definitely true for you. For Mika: it was harder for me to find you in your results, but there were moments of absolute clarity. For example, the part about needing quiet time to yourself to recharge was very much like you. Also the part that you highlighted, about being kind of private, definitely sounded like you. Finally, I think you need to develop that sense for psychic phenomena that’s mentioned at the very end, because that’s sweet! Haha.

About all the stuff with Dan: it seems like you’re getting to a good place with it, Mika. I was really glad to hear that you’re finding it easier to be angry at him, as odd as that sounds… I think that’s healthy. When you first told us about Dan, I thought he sounded like a nice guy, of course, but there was a certain sense of reservation I felt because of a few little details you mentioned- his bad grades, his smoking habits. You’re right that you DO deserve a guy who cares about his future, because you’re going to find it hard to have a future with someone who doesn’t. And it’s great that you feel motivated to better yourself because of all of this… something good can always come of something bad.

A word about your thoughts on nursing/your Anatomy class: I definitely get where you’re coming from about that, Mika. I just want to caution you not to feel obligated to anything or anyone… I feel really strongly that it’s hard to decide what you want out of life when you’re 18-22, and that’s basically what we’re asked to do in college. I just feel like it’d be a shame to stick with something out of a sense of “What else is there for me?” when you’re a freshman and still have plenty of time to explore other options. I know that it’s hard to fit extra-curriculars into your schedule in the nursing program, but I really encourage you to try to see what else is out there, because there are a million careers that you’ve probably never even considered that you might be suitable for. I mean, nursing is an awesome profession to aspire to, but I would tell anyone in your situation that you should always consider the possibility that maybe it’s not the right thing for you. You shouldn’t feel like you can’t switch your major, because that’s always, always an option. It’s way more worth it to say that you wasted your freshman year in college taking classes for a career you never ended up pursuing than saying you wasted thirty years of your life doing something that wasn’t right for you.

But it does sound like, at least in theory, you’re passionate about nursing. Which is great. I guess there’s just a fine line, when you’re in school, between “these are the classes I have to take to do this” and “these classes represent what doing this is all about”, you know what I mean? And you have to look out for that line. Like I said, nursing is the only thing you know that you’re passionate about, but the more other things you expose yourself to, the more you’re likely to either find other things you’re more passionate about and suited to or feel confident that nursing really is the right fit.

I sort of have been having a similar-ish dilemma with Spanish. It just requires so much more work than all my other classes, and I feel like I don’t have the time to devote to it that I need to really be good at it. I’m stressed about the workload… but, unlike Mika, I’m really conscious that I can quite at any time, which is kind of a good and a bad thing. I know that if I wanted to I could cut my loses and drop the class tomorrow, which helps to manage the stress that I feel about being in the class, but at the same time, I’m afraid it’s like a safe-guard for me that might be keeping me from giving my all to it and might end in me quitting prematurely. I guess we’ll see how my first test goes, later this week.

Moving on to Katie: I thought all of the ideas you shared that you have for your future were really cool! Don’t let the fact that you’ve basically already settled on a career make you feel like you can’t go out into the world and to other things, which are sometime going to be completely unrelated to said career. It was so interesting, just hearing about the things you’re invested in doing. I feel like I learned a lot about you that I didn’t know before. It’s incredible to me that you have such a clear and specific vision for your future… not just know that you want to do something with the harp, but knowing what programs you want to be a part of, realistic ideas of where you’re going to end up and doing what. I also like the idea of a really fancy fundraiser. Considering that I, of course, will be very rich, you’ll have to invite me! Haha.

[I meant to write more in response to Katie... but forgot... haha]

February 10^th, 2010

It is like the Antarctic here. The snow, you know, I could deal with… it was a bit excessive, and I was starting to pine for the sight of grass or concrete or anything that wasn’t blindingly white, basically, but it was pretty in its own way. Then today the wind picked up.

I’ve never experienced wind like this. It’s so strong it makes you stagger when you walk, makes it hard to put one foot in front of the other, literally. And out on the drill field… you know how it is at the beach when the wind picks up, the sand starts flying everywhere, biting into your legs and ankles? It’s like a thousand little stings every instant, adding up to a sort of exquisite pain that’s somewhere between discomfort and serious injury. Well, imagine that, but instead of sand, we have snow, and that snow is freezing cold, intensifying every sensation. It is, in short, not fun. And as I sit now up against the wall in the common room outside of my dorm, I can literally feel the wall MOVING, swelling with each gust that’s distractingly audible from this vantage, whistling around the tower at all hours of the day and night. I feel the wall straining against my back, almost as if it’s inflating, and then comes the release. This makes me feel relatively unsafe… walls are not supposed to flex and relax like this. It’s like I’m leaning up against the chest of the tower, feeling the rhythmic rise and fall of every breath.

The Young Dems meeting last night was really interesting. We had a guest speaker- a professor of African Studies and Black Religions here at Tech… what this man was advocating was the putting into practice of the “delinking theory”, which suggests total separation of Africa from the West. Like… I can’t remember the last time anything has challenged my notions of right and wrong the way his presentation did. We all agree that the West has inflicted pain on Africa in many ways- slavery and Colonialism being foremost among those that come to mind. There’s nothing radical about that. But what this professor had to suggest was that absolutely no interaction that the West has had with Africa has been good for the continent. He talked about how the activities of the Peace Corp have been devastating to Africa… how missionary work there has done the indigenous peoples a huge disservice… how it’s impossible for us to have anything to do with Africa without imposing our Western concepts on them, concepts which will never fit their lifestyle or work for them as a people. It was really disturbing, some of the things he said… issues like AIDs, female circumcision (which he pointed out is often referred to as “female genitalia mutilation”, a phrase that’s loaded with Western values), genocide, are things that we should all just leave alone. The bit about female circumcision especially got to some people, and so we ended up having a more lengthy discussion about that in particular. Someone asked how it could possibly be okay for men to do that sort of thing to women, how we could allow that sort of brutality to persist. He then talked about how the West infantilizes Africa, acts as if these women can not act, speak, or think for themselves, as if there would be no reason that they would WANT to have that done to them, and then assured as that quite the contrary is true. “African women are very strong” he said “They are not blindly allowing themselves and their daughters to undergo this procedure. They are the ones who control the ritual, in fact.” Then someone pointed out “It just seems like they’re being subjected to pain and deprived of pleasure.” He said that our cultures just had very different ideas of what exactly pain and pleasure are. “What is that thing called, where the men, they run around in tights and hug and tackle each other?” he said. “Aah yes, football. To you Westerners, pain is very acceptable in that arena.” But football players choose to do that, someone said. He replied that women in fact choose to undergo circumcision, because it’s a tradition, because it’s part of their culture, because it has a significance to them that you can not comprehend. “Do you think they would not look at some of the things American women undergo and see it as subjugation and mutilation? Augmentations, liposuctions, all these plastic surgeries and fad diets and eating disorders.” It was a disturbing and compelling idea. He talked about how Truth is a very Western concept, that many languages have no word or expression for Truth. He talked about how the concept of Africa itself is entirely Western and very recent, and not something that was either logical to nor good for the actually peoples residing in Africa. It was incredible, being made to see how little the things we hold dear, like Truth, or Freedom, or Equality, translate into other frames of mind. The quintessential American values have no meaning to these people, and that, in this speaker’s opinion, is as it should be allowed to remain. “Progress is not something that Africans strive for. You are born, and you are excited by the knowledge that when you die, things will be very different, you will live in a very different world. They are born, and they are glad to know that when they die, things will be just as they were the day they were born. You can not argue that progress is good for, much less inevitable in a country where such a concept does not even exist, is not even on the radar.” Being the group of bleeding heart, save the world liberals that we are, more or less, it was hard to hear that some of our greatest aspirations (working for the Peace Corp, doing missionary work, stopping genocide and AIDs and all of Africa’s ills through policy and activism and cooperation on an international scale) where in fact, in this man’s opinion, the root of a great deal of evil. But it was impossible to sit there and think “Well, I’m right and he’s wrong to say that we shouldn’t help these people, try to ease human suffering” because he made such a compelling case for his position. He said that he is not here to educate, not here to spread knowledge… he is here to politicize knowledge, he is at war with the ideas of his opposition. He was, needless to say, extremely charismatic. And he had a really cool accent. I would definitely want every person who thinks about going to Africa (and that includes some of you, come to think of it) to hear what he has to say on the subject. I’m not saying I’m converted… but I definitely see the world in a different light than I did yesterday. And it’s definitely given me pause in terms of what’s right and what’s wrong. He said that the United States has 740-something military bases in other countries, and he said that that statistic should terrify us. We infantilize the rest of the world in the name of helping them, developing them, and we think that we know what’s best and so we impose our idea of what’s best on everyone else. It’s very clear that the United States wants to make the rules and not follow them, want to make everyone else accountable to her but be accountable to no one. He sited one fairly recently elected African leader (I can’t remember who) who said that he would be happy to continue to allow the United States to have a military base in his country if we would allow his country to set up a military base in Florida. This statistic did, in fact, terrify me, but for other reasons than the ones he was getting at. It is absurd to think that we should financially support 740-something military bases in these economic times. Defense is the most grotesquely inflated part of our budget. When American people are suffering, why are we expending so many of our resources in other countries that in many cases did not ask for and do not appreciate our presence there? That is something I can definitely get on board with.

-Lizz

Happy Belated Chinese New Year!

Just something fun about our year! The year of the Sheep! (Or goat or ram. . . yeah. . . lol)

Years: 1943, 1955, 1967, 1979, 1991, 2003, 2015, 2027, 2039

Positive Qualities: Creative, Honest, Passionate, Elegant

Grievances: Indecisive, Disorganized, Timid

Suitable jobs: actor, gardener, chief

Compatible with: Rabbits, Boar, Horses

Avoid: Ox

Ruling time: 1pm to 3pm

Season: Summer

Ruling month: July

Sign direction: South-Southwest

Fixed element: fire

Much like the way a sheep prides its wool coat, women born in the Year of the Sheep have a certain beauty and vigor about them that only adds to their elegance—something cemented by the fact that these ladies spend an exorbitant amount of time dolling themselves up. Their rooms are always filled with nice fragrances and fresh flowers, and they pay great attention to their hygiene.

While a Sheep’s love may be unconditional, their “yes means no” and “no means yes” nature can be a nightmare for any potential partner. Women of this year have a clever way to getting what they want through pitiful looks and playfully skilled pestering. Sheep are also predisposed to cuddling and, if possible, would love nothing more than to have someone stay with them every second of the day.

Sheep are shy and timid by nature and would prefer to remain anonymous rather than standing out and making a name for themselves---something that tends to happen regardless of their humble intentions.

Nonetheless, sheep are passionate about their work and everything that they believe in. they are highly religious, but also very materialistic individuals. Sheep are often dependent on the creature comforts their life brings and end up complaining over the smallest things—not realizing it may be their own disorganization that they are displeased with. Pessimists by nature and quite vulnerable, sheep do not respond well to pressure. However, they are quite adept to finding creative and natural solutions to any problems at hand.

Lol so just some fun stuff. I guess you could find some things that relate to each of us. =p

"And all is calm, all is calm"

“So take it as a song or a lesson to learn

And sometime soon be better than you were”

So, sorry for the mass influx of posts by me, but I’ve been in the mood to write a lot lately!

First, I thought the thing at the end of Lizz’s post was really interesting. Today in my Focused Inquiry class we were talking about groups of people that were oppressed and my teacher asked us if we thought that women are oppressed and all these girls in my class were talking about how they thought we were and then Kae and I brought up the fact that we thought that women who still wanted to be homemakers were more oppressed then independent women because other women are always looking down on women that are happy being domestic. I think it’s true, I honestly get really upset when I have to listen to feminist talk. In that sense I believe that my views on women’s place is very old-fashioned. As much as I want to have a successful career, the idea of cooking my family dinner and taking care of the kids is really appealing to me and I get angry when people tell me that I shouldn’t be resigned to working “the 2nd shift” at home. I know I’m an independent woman, despite the fact that I like the idea of being a homemaker. I think if I had to rate those five things in order of importance I’d probably say: emotional wellbeing, social relationships, rewarding career, physical health, and spiritual growth.

“My eyes can't look at you any other way.”

Second, I just wanted to say that I’m really glad I started going back to the gym again. I love how I can feel and see the change in my body as it gets more toned. And it’s true about those endorphins, I just feel so much more energized and confident after I’ve been to the gym. Over the weekend I took advantage of Grace not being in the room for the night and decided to sleep in only my towel. (I’d never really done that before this year except on really hot summer nights, but after my few nights at Daniel’s, sleeping without my top on I realized how good it feels). At any rate, as I was brushing my hair before bed I happened to glance over in the mirror and was honestly impressed by how I looked. I don’t mean to brag, but I love my body!! I could see the subtle definition of muscle on my thighs from my time on the treadmill and stationary bike. And my boobs looked so perky and my stomach was nice and smooth. When I faced the mirror straight on I could admire my thin waist and if I turned around I could see the dimples on my back. Even my arms are starting to get muscle tone! Basically my way of counteracting being upset about things with Dan is making myself the best I can be, both inside and out. I’ve been eating healthier, working out, investing in a new wardrobe and working on clearing up my skin. It makes me feel better because I’m beginning to feel like he never deserved me anyway. And maybe he’ll even regret letting me go? I’m starting to realize I can do so much better then him, and I deserve someone that not only cares about me but cares about themselves and their future.

Despite the whole Dan fiasco, the other day I stopped and thought about it and realized how much I love the people I’ve made friendships with this year. I've been thinking about it a lot since the weekend. On Friday Joey invited us all over to his place, so Lauren and I braved the sleet and the cold and walked all the way out to 3rd street. Needless to say we were soaking wet and freezing when we got there, but it ended up being worth it. After two straight weekends of me partying way to hard for my own good, I had decided to take a break from any hardcore partying and had decided not to purchase in drank for the evening. We had some leftover beers from the previous weekend, so I indulged in one so I could participate in a game of Kings and then a game of Fuck the Dealer. However, everyone else was outdoing themselves. But, I was having fun and proud of myself for being able to control the urge to take advantage of Dan in his VERY drunken state (this was the first time he’d gotten ridiculously drunk in ages. At one point he was just sitting there lip-syncing the words to the 90s rap song that plays at the beginning of Office Space...hilarious). Around midnight almost everyone decided to call it a night (on the plus side this included the dirty hippies like Rachel who had previously been jumping around pretending to be pikachu and Scott. But the downside was that Andy, Kae, and Lauren all wanted to leave as well and Andy was my ride home). I really wanted to stay but I didn’t want to stay behind if it was just going to be Joe, Joey, Dan, and Jimmy, on account of not wanting it to look like I was hanging around just to be near Dan. So I convinced Sammy to stay with me so that there was another girl around. Basically after everyone else left it was so much more chill. Everyone wanted to smoke so I indulged in one hit and got pleasantly lazy and Sammy, Joe, Jimmy, and I all took a couple of vodka shots. Everyone was just being really nice and chill. I went out with Sammy and Joe when they went to smoke cigarettes on the balcony and we just talked about our philosophies on marriage and relationships and I realized how much Sammy and I have in common as far as our opinions on that stuff. Then when we went back inside Joey was like, “Miko! I really love partying with you! You and me get high at the exact same pace and we have the same birthday! It’s freaking awesome!” Haha. I really love Joey. I know that comment sounds like something only a drunk person would say, but Joey is always like that about me, even when he’s sober (too bad he has a girlfriend that he’s totally in love with). Then after me and Sammy’s third shot, Joe made me coffee out of his french press, which was very delicious and we all just vegged out. Joey reminded me of the first time we met and Dan played some more 90s music, and we all just chilled. It was really nice. Before we left I ran into Dan in the hallway on the way to the bathroom and high-fived and it was really nice because even though I initiated the first high five he totally high-fived me a second time and then even hugged me goodbye as I left. In the car, Joe and I just talked about classical music and shit like that. I guess I really liked that I was able to drink and smoke and have fun but I also realized I could control myself (unlike the previous two weekends). And I love that everyone is so accepting and chill and I can just talk with all of them about lots of different stuff.

Lastly, as I stated in my earlier post, I’ve continued to be ultra-stressed about my studying for anatomy. I have my first practical in lab this week and I’m really nervous about it. But, the other day I was in the library and I was feeling like their was no way I would ever learn all the stuff I needed to learn for the test and I started questioning why I’m even going to school for nursing. But I realized, the thing that kind of sucks about all this is that I really can’t give up and switch my major, no matter how overwhelming it seems, because nursing is like the one career I have a real passion to pursue. There are things that come easier to me, like music or any other type of art, but being a nurse enables me to do the one thing I’m most driven to pursue. So I guess I’ll be sticking it out. I’ve been studying for the practical every night so far so at least I’m trying my hardest, I suppose.

“Knowing up here, there comes a fork in the road, pants have gotta go, we're on an island on the fourth of July, looks like the tide is going home.”

-Cougzzz

four weeks till Spring Break!

Ahhh, I can't believe tomorrow begins my fifth week of school this semester! And yes, I know you guys don't want this to solely be about my classes or anything, so I'm going to try and cover everything! Ok, first, yeah classes...I'm still in a bunch, but I generally like them for the most part. My favorites are definitely my French Civ and Culture class and my Honors Global Symposium (pretty much just international studies type stuff). I was telling Bailey the other day that if I wasn't majoring in music I would definitely just major in international studies. We've covered Pakistan and Iran, and now we're moving onto Saudi Arabia. If I could double with music and international studies, I definitely would, but uhh, I think my French major is enough to try and get :) haha, and I do love both my majors, I just kinda wish it was easy to triple major...So yes, my classes are pretty much going well, and harp is crazy like always, and I get to play in the opera this semester! I'm excited because I've never done an opera before, and I'm really hoping it will be fun and not too hard. I'm also sill excited just to go on our little wind ensemble tour to Illinois, haha, mostly because I think it will just be fun and I'm really looking forward to spending the weekend with Megan (other harpist that will be with me) and the band. I know I've talked about Megan before, but she's honestly awesome and well, she uhh definitely kept me entertained in studio (kinda like an hour harp class/masterclass every Monday i have to go to) last Monday when she showed up completely drunk and we all tried to hide it from Mrs. Richter. I mean, honestly, she had had a rough morning and I mean, she's 25, so it's legal (just maybe not allowed during studio), but it she was about to fall off her chair when someone else was playing, and she attempted to play a piece, but, well, never quite got past the first few lines....i could not stop laughing the entire hour, and we never figured out if Mrs. Richter really knew what was going on...haha, so that's what's going on with harp and class, so let's see, what else...

Well, I was telling Lizz the other day that i've been trying to figure out what i'm doing this summer. I think i'm applying to three different summer institute things: Hot Springs Festival (2 weeks

INTERRUPTION: oh my gosh, did the Colts just lose the Super Bowl? Oh my gosh, will we survive? will the people in my dorm need intense therapy?

Sorry, but it's kindof hard to ignore the status of the super bowl right now going to a college a little over an hour away from indy. but anyways! yes, summer institutes: Hot Springs Festival (2 weeks in Arkansas), Brevard (6-7 weeks in NC), and EMF (5-6 weeks or something in NC too I believe?) So I've been working on applications and recordings for all of those, and other than that I'll just possibly have a competition in late June/early July, and i also hope to get to Connecticut sometime. Yes, umm, job? it really depends on when i'm home and for how long, and if i am home for a decent period of time, i'll probably take some TNCC courses as well.

Other than that stuff, I've still been applying for scholarships and competitions etc. with all that fun stuff....and also have been forced to determine my more life-long goals in one of my classes (yes, sorry, I went back to talking about class...). This one is just a once a week night class, and it's for students that receiving certain scholarships from Ball State. It's essentially a class to help us finds major scholarships for grad school and study abroads etc. and it's definitely exactly what i need right now. i've been thinking about grad school cause i'm definitely going, and well, actually before i get to my grad school plans, i will reveal my current far-fetched plans for my undergrad....

ok, first of all, i can only spend four years at Ball State (cause my scholarhips), but between one of those years i want to study in France for a year as an English teaching assistant (the French department here has a scholarship for it), i'd just have to figure out harp stuff, and then i'd come back, finish my undergrad and possibly still try for a Fulbright to study harp in France or some French-speaking place i suppose? Then, for grad school, I currently am considering going abroad, Canada, or the West Coast, though it'll probably largely depend on what type of scholarship i get if it's one for a US grad school or something abroad...(though watch me just end up at an East Coast school or something) and then, after grad school, well, at first, i honestly wanted join the Peace Corps (Chrissy, was it you that mentioned that as well??), but i really don't think it would be practical to spend 16 years studying harp and then, you know, taking a 2 year break (which i think is pretty much the shortest the Peace Corps likes you to do...), so that is kindof unlikely to happen unless i can figure out a way to make it work, but if i don't, i might do something with Americorps to help pay off my loans or something comparable. After finishing with school/my lovely life adventures etc. then my job...well, right now, i think being a full-time harp professor would be awesome, though i kindof want a program like that in Williamsburg, and if Williams and Mary had a better music school, i would totally try to get a position there and combine with the youth harp ensemble to create my own giant studio, hehe, but that's probably not going to happen...but i really don't think i'd mind being a college professor and/or taking over the williamsburg harp program (though i'd obviously have to do something along with that), and THEN with whatever type of harp ensemble i have, i would like to take them on tours and go to cool places etc. (hehe, yes, i would like to take them to France and New York and crazy places to perform). And on top of that, i've kindof always fantasized about having some sort of giant benefit thing, you know where the tickets are crazy expensive to get into? Well, it'd be some semi-annual big fancy harp concert/dinner or something and we'd get donations to go towards something...(as cliche as it sounds, in my mind it goes towards an arts program in Africa at a school that the VA Lutheran Synod is building that i want to somehow be a part of if not personally involved in one day)...haha, and that is currently the extent of all my really far-fetched and not very attainable goals.....they will probably change lots and i'll be curious to see what i actually do end up doing with my life, cause there's a decent chance it won't be similar to this at all...

oh gosh, sorry i just made you read about all my life fantasies, so i'll try to think of different things to write about...well, first of all, was last week a rough week for anyone else?? i felt like it was a rough week for me and most of my good friends here. well, first of, it began with Megan drunk in studio, and then i swear maybe 3 friends came into my room crying at different points, and i had an all-nighter because i'm challenged at writing papers...and well, that was last week.

This weekend has been much better..i went to iHop with friends around midnight this morning, and it's been a pretty chill weekend with lots of snow to play in like most of you guys have! ohh, and one thing that i can think of that i'm sure you'd guys would like to hear is that there is a verrry cute architecture student in my scholarship class...

JE VOUS ADORE!!!

-twinkxx

P.S. i will do the personality and rating things, but right now i have to shower...

February 6th, 2010

“Without your love I’d be no where at all, I’d be lost if not for you.”

Much like Mika thought to do, I’m going to post an update about my life right now beyond what I’m doing in all my classes. Being in so very many classes, they definitely take up a lot more time and energy than they did last semester, but I do still have SOME other things going on.

To begin with, Snowshoe was amazing. I was having a really rough week (as is somewhat indicated by the tone of my last entry) prior to the trip, what with all the stress about classes and apartments and life in general. Snowshoe was an absolutely perfect getaway though. It ended up being great that we left early to beat the storm- we got an extra night in the room and didn’t have to deal with check-in and all that mess in the morning, when we would have been rushed to get out on the slopes. We DID end up getting really lost for a little bit, due to various problems with our Google Maps directions, which caused a little bit of tension, but it ended up being more funny than upsetting. The thing was, Reed made the mistake of trying to call his parents and ask for their help navigating the situation (against my advice), and they totally freaked out. Mrs. Hornsby was literally on the phone with him crying, and Mr. Hornsby was just freaking out and going on rants about how this was “not what they needed right now”… finally, Reed just lied and said, “Ooh wait, we just figured out what to do, never mind, goodbye”, and hung up the phone. She called back about twenty minutes later (after we’d called MY parents and gotten back on the road in the right direction) and apologized for being so emotional, but then ended up just getting more emotional and started crying and talking about how “horrible things are happening” again. So that was that. As much as Reed and I were rolling our eyes through the whole conversation, it got me to thinking… this is why Reed is so good at dealing with my particular personality quirks… like, his parents are possibly the most emotional people I’ve ever encountered in life, and I’m well aware of the fact that I am also extremely emotional. Reed has basically been conditioned his whole life to know how to deal with that sort of excess and irrationalness. So I guess I have to be grateful for that.

Besides all that, the car trip was really fun… we talked for most of the way and then towards the end we listened to Aida. We got to the hotel late and basically watched a little television and then went to sleep. The next morning we partook of the complementary breakfast and then got all suited up to face the snow. I was so excited to get to wear my new gear, and I have to say, I looked like quite the fashionable skier! A word of advice- if you’re ever looking to buy clothes for skiing, do it in, like, September, because that’s when everything is the cheapest and basically the only time when poor college kids like ourselves could hope to buy the name-brand, designer stuff. Being the fashion conscious type that I am, I was very relieved to confirm that all the stuff Reed had helped me pick out was the nicest brand that all of the richest-looking people were wearing :P. At any rate, we drove up the mountain to the slope where Reed would be teaching me, and we rent in and I rented boots and skies and all that, and we were ready to go! The first run through was REALLY rough, like I was falling all the time and having a really hard time getting back up… Reed basically had to board a few feet ahead of me at all times and let me run into him in order to stop. The first run, on account of all the stopping and starting again, also took a really long time, so by the time we got off the ski lift and back to the start of the run, it was about time for lunch. We ate at a nice little café type place and then ventured back out into the cold. The second and third times down the run were MUCH better… I was really pleased that I was actually showing signs of improvement. In fact, the third time I only fell down once the whole time. And there was only one time the whole day that Reed was afraid I was going to die… coming off of the lift there was a relatively steep hill back to the start of the run and I sort of just went for it and ended up racing full-speed down the mountain, totally unable to stop myself. Thankfully, I kept standing until I got to a flat part and then I sat down and slid on my butt to a halt. So after three run-throughs I decided to call it a day and head back to the hotel so Reed could go a board some of the more advanced runs by himself. I chilled out watching television for a few hours and Reed came back in time to get ready to go out for dinner.

As a Christmas present to me and Reed, my parents said they’d pay for us to go out to eat at a fancy restaurant on this trip, so we had made reservations at this really classy sounding place called Ember. It definitely did not disappoint. It was all dimly-lit and swanky and we got really cool complimentary appetizers, like you know how at fancy places with, like, a famous chef, the chef will just randomly try out new recipes and serve those as appetizers? It was like that… so I have no idea what we were eating, but it was SO GOOD. And we got bread and all that… when you pay that much, they basically have to give you bread is my feeling. I ordered the steak and Reed got duck (he’d never had duck before I made him order it at the Thai food restaurant and now he’s obsessed with it), and of course those came with a bunch of fancy sides. Then for dessert we got the absolute richest chocolate cake I have ever eaten in my life… and they gave us free cotton candy at the end of it all to take back with us! So an awesome dining experience. Reed and I got back to the hotel and relaxed in the hot tub (actually, when we got in the hot tub, Reed realized that the women who was also in the hot tub was his Biology TA from last semester, which was highly weird and funny) and then got ready for bed and watched SNL and passed out. Sunday we had breakfast and packed up and hit the road, and had a thankfully smooth drive back. Overall, it was really just the best weekend ever… we felt so grown up, just doing all of that completely by ourselves. I’ve definitely been a much better frame of mind since we got back.

This week, in terms of extra curricular activities, I’ve been relatively busy! We have Young Dems on Tuesday, of course, and then on Wednesday they were showing “Precious” free at the student center, so we went to that. It was good! Like, not the kind of movie anyone loves, I feel like, but it was touching and sad and sometimes funny. I’ve also started going to the gym just out of shear needing to get out of the dorm… I was complaining to Bailey and Katie, I feel like every time I overhear another girl’s conversation these days she’s talking about “getting a Spring Break ready body”. Seriously? I mean, I think my body is freaking hot, so I’m not so concerned with that… but it’s something to do, and I always use the machines near the TV that’s turned to Fox News, which is hilarious in that it’s so, so stupid.

As for this weekend, Reed and I were supposed to go to Roanoke to go shopping today, but the snow made that impossible, and then we were going to go see Dear John in Christiansburg, but the movie theater was closed, so we ended up just watching A Walk To Remember and The Notebook here in the room. I was bawling the whole time, and Reed might have shed a few tears too :P. You know, watching those kinds of movies is just another thing that convinces me that I have absolutely found my soul mate in Reed. I look at these epic romances, and I feel like people look at those sorts of relationships in movies like that and think “That’s so sweet and amazing, but so unrealistic, like no one is really like that. It’s unreasonable to expect that love is really going to be like that.” But for me, love really is like that. What I have with Reed has all of the passion and intensity of the love stories in the movies… and what girl wants anything more than that in her life, really? It’s odd for me, not believing in a higher power, but the only word I can think of to describe my circumstance is “blessed”. I am blessed to be so totally in love with someone, someone who loves me with just as much fervor as I do him. It’s like… the other day I was feeling really down, like just in one of those moods where I felt trapped and bored with my life, and Reed says “Well let’s just run away together tomorrow. We don’t have to be here anymore… I know you think I’m saying this flippantly, but I really would. I would run away with you and never think twice about it.” And I, being in a bad mood, was like “No, that’s stupid. I don’t want to leave behind all my family and friends.” And so he was like “Okay… well then let’s go get married tomorrow. Let’s just go to the courthouse and get married.” It was the most romantic thing… and of course I was like “No… I want to wait to get married until your parents would be okay with it, you know that”, but it was just such a sweet idea. Not like, dramatic and spontaneous, because that’s not Reed’s style, but just… sweet and sincere. It’s wonderful and terrifying, knowing that someone is so devoted to you, and you to them. I just… you know, Jack and Rose, Edward and Bella, Noah and Allie… that kind of love is real. As silly as it sounds, it CAN be that perfect, that breathtaking, that orchestral crescendo inducing (haha), so don’t stop looking until you’ve found that for yourself.

One last thing: in my Freshman Honors Seminar we did another little activity that I thought was kind of interesting. We took the following and had to rank them, 1-5, in order from most to least important to us:

Emotional Wellbeing

Spiritual Growth

Physical Health

Social Relationships

Rewarding Career

I ranked them: Emotional Wellbeing, Social Relationships, Physical Health, Spiritual Growth, Rewarding Career. We had to share our lists and also explain to the group why we ranked the first one first and the last one last. It was actually really awkward for me, because everyone else ranked “Rewarding Career” like first or second (including my teacher :S) and I was just like “Uhh… no.” I explained that basically I’ve always really known that I want children and really been conscientious of the fact that I don’t want a career that’s going to get in the way of me spending all the time I want to with my kids and being there for them growing up… so that kind of rules out ever being a career-oriented person. One of the other girls was like “So… does that mean the idea of being, like, a homemaker appeals to you?” and I was like “Well… yeahh, it does. I mean, if that was financially possible.” Everyone else in the group started talking about how their parents had always both worked and they’d had babysitters and been in day care all the time and didn’t think that’d worked out badly for them… and I’m sure that’s true. But that’s not what I had growing up and that’s definitely not what I want for my kids and for myself as a mother. I know I valued having my mom as a stay-at-home mother and I know that she always says that’s the best experience she’s had in her life. I just thought it was kind of weird that no one else really felt that way. At any rate, how would you all rank those things?

That’s all for now… text me lots this weekend, I’ll be snowed in and bored!

-Lizz

Bulletproof

“All that I know is I’m breathing. All I can do is keep breathing.”

If I were going to pick up smoking it would be now. For real, the amount of stress that my anatomy class is already putting under is enough to make anyone smoke. Ahaha. But don’t worry, I’m not serious...at least I don’t think. I’ll save my smoking for those occasional cravings that generally come when under the influence of alcohol. You know what I’m talking about, right?

“This time, baby, I’ll be bulletproof”

So my last post was all about starting up my second semester at school, but I felt that I should fill you all in on what else has been up in my life since getting back to school. Probably the only noteworthy thing is whatever happened with Dan.

Yeah...

What did happen with that? Well...it’s whatever. I mean, it’s not whatever, but I need to make sure that’s how I feel about it, because I can’t be emotionally connected anymore. I’ve already figured out that, that isn’t going to work out well for me.

For the record, I’m pretty okay now. I’m moving on. Sometimes I stop and feel really sad and hurt. But for the most part being bitter is covering that up. The only difficulty I’ve been having is being truly angry at him. I don’t know why, either! I need to be angry at him, he was a douchebag, but I guess I’m just unwilling to believe that I was wrong about him. That everyone was wrong about him.

But it’s getting easier to be angry. It’s getting easier because I’m starting to think of all the reasons he should regret letting things end. I mean, I’m starting to wonder what direction that kid is taking his life in. The other morning Sammy and I were talking about him and just how screwed up he’s made his life. He did really poorly in school last semester and now his parents are threatening to make him move back home next year. So, instead of working his ass off this semester to get good grades he’s going to class high every day. I just don’t understand why someone could have so little motivation to change the way things are. He’s 20 years old for God’s sake!? And he’s okay with living in his parents house? Not being able to be around his friends who all live and socialize in the city? For what? So he can lay around and smoke all day? I just don’t understand it...and I guess I’m starting to see that it’s for the better that it’s not really any of my concern anymore.

That’s the thing though...that makes me so angry, but at the same time makes me feel like I should help. I have this thing where I feel like once I get emotionally involved--be it romantically or just platonically--I feel like it’s my duty to help. I WANT to help Dan, and I felt like when I thought we might get together, I COULD help. You always want to be the person that can get someone to change their ways. I wanted to be that for him. And that’s where things get a little messy for me.

But there’s no point holding on. If he doesn’t want me, I guess that’s his loss. I know I want my next relationship to be real. And if he can’t be that for me it’s not really worth my time. Maybe some time in the future he’ll come to his senses and we can work something out, but I’m not going to to hold out for him.

Looking past all the emotional shit that things falling through with Dan means, I’d like to take this moment to please get a high-five from all of you guys for getting with not just one but BOTH of the Caparrelli brothers! Woo-woo! Haha, if anything, I am glad I achieved that goal. Now Sammy and Kae are just trying to see how many other guys from that group of people I can get with. Ahaha.... Probably should stay away from getting too involved with any of them for now. But, I’ll keep my option open, you never know. I did, after all, say I never would get with Daniel, and look how that turned out. So I’m not going to disregard anything, but I’m also not going to invest in anything as of now.

“It's all false love and affection”

Thank God February is a short month. I hate February. But this year mine is actually really busy. At least that will mean it will hopefully fly by. I can’t wait for March. For spring break, warmer weather, and the end of winter! I just ordered a whole bunch of new spring clothing online earlier this week. I’m going for a very antique look: lots of florals, lace, and silky/sheer tops. I feel like being in Richmond has really pushed me to take a few more risks with fashion and kind of develop more of a specific look for myself. I think I’ve also invested in some really good signature pieces for the upcoming season. I bought a pair of high-waisted shorts, a couple of sheath dresses, black bloomers (which I’m sooo psyched to wear), and even a romper (american apparel has another one I really want but it’s so damn expensive).

Also, my search for an apartment for next year has been steadily improving. Yesterday I found two really cute houses in the Fan that are actually really convenient for going to class on the Monroe Park Campus. We’ve (that is Kae, Lauren, and I) have decided that we’re just going to stay put for the next three years instead of searching for another apartment downtown our Junior year. Kae and I will just take the bus down to MCV for classes then. For one thing, the apartments downtown are more expensive and also a lot less cool. And also all our friends will be down on the main campus so it would be more convenient for socializing. Oh, and one of the apartments is on Park Avenue, which is where Lizz’s grandparents live, right? The house looks so cool from the outside (it's the house in the picture above), I can’t wait to go tour it!!

Love you,

Cougzzz

Mika's Personality Test Results :-)

I got: INFJ
Introverted: 11
Intuitive: 25
Feeling: 25
Judging: 22

slightly expressed introvert
moderately expressed intuitive personality
moderately expressed feeling personality
slightly expressed judging personality

I am a "counselor"

Counselors have an exceptionally strong desire to contribute to the welfare of others, and find great personal fulfillment interacting with people, nurturing their personal development, guiding them to realize their human potential. Although they are happy working at jobs (such as writing) that require solitude and close attention, Counselors do quite well with individuals or groups of people, provided that the personal interactions are not superficial, and that they find some quiet, private time every now and then to recharge their batteries. Counselors are both kind and positive in their handling of others; they are great listeners and seem naturally interested in helping people with their personal problems. Not usually visible leaders, Counselors prefer to work intensely with those close to them, especially on a one-to-one basis, quietly exerting their influence behind the scenes.

Counselors are scarce, little more than one percent of the population, and can be hard to get to know, since they tend not to share their innermost thoughts or their powerful emotional reactions except with their loved ones. They are highly private people, with an unusually rich, complicated inner life. Friends or colleagues who have known them for years may find sides emerging which come as a surprise. Not that Counselors are flighty or scattered; they value their integrity a great deal, but they have mysterious, intricately woven personalities which sometimes puzzle even them.

Counselors tend to work effectively in organizations. They value staff harmony and make every effort to help an organization run smoothly and pleasantly. They understand and use human systems creatively, and are good at consulting and cooperating with others. As employees or employers, Counselors are concerned with people's feelings and are able to act as a barometer of the feelings within the organization.

Blessed with vivid imaginations, Counselors are often seen as the most poetical of all the types, and in fact they use a lot of poetic imagery in their everyday language. Their great talent for language-both written and spoken-is usually directed toward communicating with people in a personalized way. Counselors are highly intuitive and can recognize another's emotions or intentions - good or evil - even before that person is aware of them. Counselors themselves can seldom tell how they came to read others' feelings so keenly. This extreme sensitivity to others could very well be the basis of the Counselor's remarkable ability to experience a whole array of psychic phenomena.

02/02/10

Hello! This is a sweet idea Lizz! When I told my Mama about it, she totally knew what it was and such. She actually has the test and could go into further tests about our personalities and how compatible we are with other people and so on! (Well, according to how we answers the questions!)


Okay My scores:
E(44) S(1) F(38) J(44)


Which means:
~moderately expressed extravert
~slightly expressed sensing personality
~moderately expressed feeling personality
~moderately expressed judging personality



I am Guardian Provider:

Providers take it upon themselves to insure the health and welfare of those in their care, but they are also the most sociable of all the Guardians, and thus are the great nurturers of social institutions such as schools, churches, social clubs, and civic groups. Providers are very likely more than ten percent of the population, and this is fortunate for the rest of us, because friendly social service is a key to their nature. Wherever they go, Providers happily give their time and energy to make sure that the needs of others are met, and that social functions are a success.


Highly cooperative themselves, Providers are skilled in maintaining teamwork among their helpers, and are also tireless in their attention to the details of furnishing goods and services. They make excellent chairpersons in charge of dances, banquets, class reunions, charity fund-raisers, and the like. They are without peer as masters of ceremonies, able to speak publicly with ease and confidence. And they are outstanding hosts or hostesses, knowing everyone by name, and seemingly aware of what everyone's been doing. Providers love to entertain, and are always concerned about the needs of their guests, wanting to make sure that all are involved and provided for.


Friendly, outgoing, neighborly - in a word, Providers are gregarious, so much so that they can become restless when isolated from people. They love to talk with others, and will often strike up a conversation with strangers and chat pleasantly about any topic that comes to mind. Friendships matter a great deal to Providers, and their conversations with friends often touch on good times from years past. Family traditions are also sacred to them, and they carefully observe birthdays and anniversaries. In addition, Providers show a delightful fascination with news of their friends and neighbors. If we wish to know what's been going on in the local community, school, or church, they're happy to fill us in on all the details.


Providers are extremely sensitive to the feelings of others, which makes them perhaps the most sympathetic of all the types, but which also leaves them somewhat self-conscious, that is, highly sensitive to what others think of them. Loving and affectionate themselves, they need to be loved in return. In fact, Providers can be crushed by personal criticism, and are happiest when given ample appreciation both for themselves personally and for the tireless service they give to others.




I guess this sounds like me. When I was reading that, I thought about all of the parties that I've had at my house. As corny as it sounds, I love having people gather in my house just chilling out and such. I get a real rush from it. lol But I just sounds like a hardxcore mother! haha o well. It's pretty cool though. =)

February 1st, 2010

Here's the link to the Myers-Briggs:
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

Here are my results:
E (78) N (25) F (62) J (44)

That means I'm:
-very expressed extravert
-moderately expressed intuitive personality
-distinctively expressed feeling personality
-moderately expressed judging personality

Out of the temperaments (the Guardians, the Idealists, the Artisans, and the Rationals), I am:
Idealist Teacher

This means (I added the italics to emphasize the parts I thought were the coolest and/or the most accurate):
Even more than the other Idealists, Teachers have a natural talent for leading students or trainees toward learning, or as Idealists like to think of it, they are capable of calling forth each learner's potentials. Teachers (around two percent of the population) are able - effortlessly, it seems, and almost endlessly-to dream up fascinating learning activities for their students to engage in. In some Teachers, this ability to fire the imagination can amount to a kind of genius which other types find hard to emulate. But perhaps their greatest strength lies in their belief in their students. Teachers look for the best in their students, and communicate clearly that each one has untold potential, and this confidence can inspire their students to grow and develop more than they ever thought possible.

In whatever field they choose, Teachers consider people their highest priority, and they instinctively communicate personal concern and a willingness to become involved. Warmly outgoing, and perhaps the most expressive of all the types, Teachers are remarkably good with language, especially when communicating in speech, face to face. And they do not hesitate to speak out and let their feelings be known. Bubbling with enthusiasm, Teachers will voice their passions with dramatic flourish, and can, with practice, become charismatic public speakers. This verbal ability gives Teachers a good deal of influence in groups, and they are often asked to take a leadership role.

Teachers like things settled and organized, and will schedule their work hours and social engagements well ahead of time-and they are absolutely trustworthy in honoring these commitments. Valuing as they do interpersonal cooperation and harmonious relations, Teachers are extraordinarily tolerant of others, are easy to get along with, and are usually popular wherever they are.

Teachers are highly sensitive to others, which is to say their intuition tends to be well developed. Certainly their insight into themselves and others is unparalleled. Without a doubt, they know what is going on inside themselves, and they can read other people with uncanny accuracy. Teachers also identify with others quite easily, and will actually find themselves picking up the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of those around them. Because they slip almost unconsciously into other people's skin in this way, Teachers feel closely connected with those around them, and thus show a sincere interest in the joys and problems of their employees, colleagues, students, clients, and loved ones.

I thought this was a pretty cool result... be sure to post the type description you get from the link that says "[Your Letters] type description by D. Keirsey", not the other type description link (J. Butt and M.M. Heiss). There are also other links that tell you famous people who have your "type" and ideal careers for your "type", you'll notice. Furthermore, on the Keirsey page there are links to more pages that have more information about your best-suited jobs and how your "type" interacts in relationships. It's all really cool stuff! Please post the result you all get :).