March Madness

Soooo. That was weird I guess. Alex and I are no longer together. But what?! Was he like forcing himself the whole time or something?! His text said

“I need to talk to you though. I wanted to do it in person… but every time I try it doesn’t work out..lol”
“this still doesn’t feel right… I feel like with a friend… not a girlfriend. It’s not your fault and I promise everything I said to you I meant. You are amazing and beautiful… I should like you but I don’t like you more than a friend… I tried but it’s just not something you can force.. I’m really sorry.”

It really is such a bummer. I liked him a lot. But whatever. He said that he just likes me as a friend. He wanted to stop things before they got more complicated. I told that I wouldn’t want to be friends with benefits. He said, to him it sort of felt that way… but I think it’ll be all right.

When I got to his house I asked if we could go for a walk to like get out of the house. (He wasn’t feeling good today. He might be getting sick. Heh heh I wanted to be like, “you better feel like crap because my day was crappy but you just made it shitty!!”) I told him to man up because it sucked to find out through text. He told me that he wanted to tell me yesterday but his parents kept coming in. He sent me the text because he couldn’t wait. I said, “From one friend to another, you could have just asked for a walk or something. Man up. Okay?” oh and I told him, “Not that it would matter to you or anything but, I highly suggest you work on your hugs. You give these weird retarded side hugs. I dunno I’m just a hug-y person hah” Man I should have realized that his awkward hugs would be a sign that this might not have worked out =p

Sometimes I wish I could be a bitch about stuff but now I don’t really care anymore. (and I think it’s just hard for me in general to intentionally be a bitch to someone) I’m more concerned about the new friends I made!!! Hahah Alex said that it doesn’t have to be awkward, which is good because I don’t want it to be. Hmm maybe I was more into the idea of having a boyfriend that…. I mean like he would reach for my hand. Or automatically put his arm around my shoulder when we would sit next to each other. It felt right. The fucking kid even texted me before, “I’m glad I decided to stick it out with you :)” GAH! HE’S SUCH A GIRL!

Okay. Not going to do that over thinking and “what if” bullshit.
Hahah if anything I was like, “Alrighty God, what the fuck am I suppose to learn from this?” hahah (please excuse my language xD)

Oh something random, I texted Mark, “Hey Mark is it weird for a girl to tell her guy friend to ‘man up’? hahahahaha” He replied, “No! I think that if that’s what you think then you should tell that guy to step up to the plate as a man ” lolol so that was cool! (no I’m not going to start liking Mark again…. That’s just too exhausting for me and you all too. lol) ohh well another relationship has come and gone… not even two weeks. =P

Lots of things have been happening lately. I found out a few weeks ago that my Auntie Lynn has cancer. It has spread to her ovaries. She’s getting treatment. If it doesn’t work she’ll have 6 months to live. It’s weird you hear about that sort of thing on TV or in books. But it’s happening close to my heart. Auntie Lynn lives out in Cali and has 3 kids. (All older than me but I love them all dearly) This woman built her very own dance company and it’s pretty well known in Cali. I haven’t heard about how she’s doing. But it’s hard to take in. and she’s definitely one of those relatives that I want to get to know more about but distance makes it difficult. So send a prayer/positive thoughts out please.

After Easter Sunday Dad is leaving for Iraq. He’ll be there for about nine months. He’s talking about a third deployment. I guess I feel indifferent about it. Well maybe not indifferent… just expecting it. Erm it’s just who my dad is. I mean I love him and hope for his safely you guys know that!! But yeah, I’m fine with just supporting and sending love I guess.
Mom got accepted in into the William and Mary Grad program!! Yaya!! Plus she has a job offer that I think she really wants. She’d be building a new program from the ground up. (that’s pretty much along the same lines of what my Dad is doing--- building a new program from the ground up)


I am going away for a while
But I'll be back, don't try and follow me
'Cause I'll return as soon as possible
See I'm trying to find my place
But it might not be here where I feel safe
We all learn to make mistakes


And I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about where I want to go after TNCC. Yeah I’ve been saying William and Mary but I think I was just saying that to have a school name to throw out there you know? Actually, I’m ready to get the hell out of here. When my dad would say stuff like, “ah yes I can just picture you going to W&M and staying here…. Yada yada” it would make me want to cry. I feel like I’m trapped here. It’s ridiculous. I understand they have good intentions when they say they want me to reach my full positional, but seriously back off. I just want to get out from under this grand shadow of my parents. You guys get what I mean? As much as W&M has the name and such, I care more about leaving than a good name behind my name.

I mean I don’t need W&W to get where I want to go!! I mean sure it help some more but damn it! I want to have fun!! I don’t want to be around people who only care about studying and has the unofficial motto of, “I can’t. I have to study.” I”ve actually met people who are going places and didn’t go to flippin’ W&M!! My cousin’s friend Chris for example is going to fucking China for a year to teach!! He spent semesters in South America, twice in Greece and has been to Thailand!! He went to freakin’ CNU! So there’s proof right there!! Lolol.

(Okay please don’t come through the computer and strangle me =p) But I’ve been thinking VTech lately. I dunno, I really really like the atmostsphere. It’s far away enough to be not too close. There’s just something about Tech that feels… comfortable? Right? Nice? I love that it’s a college town and majority of the people are our age!! The food is good too. lol
Sure you may think, who the fuck transfers to tech for Education?? Lol but whatever! I’m not worrying about that yet. I haven’t gotten that feeling about any other school than Tech. SO at least I have something to work towards you know?

I’m planning on telling my parents definitely after Daddy is safely across the pond. xD

And so the Alex chapter was short and sweet. And it’s cool. I’m pretty sure that I’ll be friends with him. This relationship is nothing to cry over. Besides I got some Chinese food, went for a long walk in the rain and danced around a bit. So it’s cool.
Really, I’m done with worrying about things I can’t control. I’ve got bigger things to spaz about. =p

I miss you guys and love you lots!!! If anything I can’t wait to see you all and get good decent hugs from all of you!! What can I say? I’m a hug-y touchy-feely person?

<3

_Chrissy_

March 1st, 2010

A quick note, in honor of the start of a new month! I can’t believe it’s March already, but I have a good feeling about this month. Today I even got to wear a dress, it was so sunny and the wind was so calm (with tights, boots, a scarf, and many jackets, mind you… it barely got above 40 degrees, wind or no). I know that, although I associated March with Spring in my mind, it really isn’t going to be Spring here (or probably anywhere in Virginia) any time soon. By all accounts, we haven’t seen the last of the snowfall yet, which is a bit frustrating. Still, any excuse for a fresh start.

My classes are going well… it’s impossible to pay attention or stay focused in Principles of Economics, but I did fairly well on my first test, and I hope that if I study more outside of class that I’ll do even better on my next two. Spanish is by far my most challenging, still… it also happens to be the only class I have a midterm in, which is taking place this Wednesday. On Friday instead of normal class, we’re having a fiesta at a local Mexican restaurant, which should be… well, better than normal class, at least. Religious Ethics has turned out to be one of my favorites this semester- we just started Christianity today, so that was pretty cool. My experience in that class is definitely what’s motivated me to pursue a Religious Studies minor… though I’m not sure I’m going to be able to take any more Religious Studies classes for another year or so. Political Theory remains my favorite of all of my classes- we’re currently studying Communism, so I’ve been reading lots of Marx. It’s interesting how that class overlaps with Economics a lot of the time, especially in this particular unit. In Legends of King Arthur we’re doing the Mists of Avalon at the moment, and it’s nice to be really familiar with the text for once. I’m really enjoying going through and rereading it, but it’s really hard to make time for a book that long when I have so much else going on. My Freshman Honors Seminar has been okay; last week we had a guest speaker come in and talk to us about the appropriate way to talk to professors. She was nice, but I didn’t honestly get much out of the presentation. This week we’re going to see a presentation at the Study Abroad office, which would be significantly cooler if I had any intention of studying abroad! Ooh well. At any rate, that just about covers all my classes.

Outside of class, I’ve been keeping busy with Young Dems... right now we’re getting ready for the Coal Debate that we’re sponsoring later in the month. I personally am working on publicity for the debate. I’ve actually e-mail several professors that I have/had last semester and they’ve agreed to let me come in and do a quick promo for the debate right before the start of some of their big lecture classes, and have even said they’ll offer their students extra credit for attending the debate. Actually, one benefit I derived from the FYES guest lecturer last week was that, when I brought up that this is a project I’m working on, she offered to also let me come talk to her classes and to give her students extra credit for going. So that should be good.

In other news… well, there really is no other news. I think all of you have heard in detail about my master plan concerning my potential majors/minors, so I won’t go into that again, other than to say that I’m really excited! I have a meeting with my Advisor tomorrow, so after that I should probably know for sure exactly what I’ll be taking next semester. I guess all that’s left to say is that I’m so psyched for Spring Break, and so psyched to see all of your lovely faces!