"When they ask you what you're thinking of, say love"

"Your heart says not again, what kind of mess have you got me in.
But when the feelings there, it can lift you up or take you anywhere.
With the gravel beneath you, and the limbs above.
If anyone asks you where you're coming from, say love"

I've been thinking a lot lately about love and relationships and sex.
I realized the other day that now that I'm in college any relationship I have from this point forward should be classified as an "adult relationship". Despite the fact that I've only had one official boyfriend and two romantic relationships in my entire life, I think I'm ready for the level both emotionally and physically that comes with an "adult relationship". I came to the realization the other day over lunch with Kae and her friend, Sammy, that I'm ready to have sex. In fact, assuming my next relationship is a stable good one, I am quite positive I will have sex with the next person I'm in a relationship with. I don't want you guys to think that I'm stating this flippantly. I really mean it. I understand that sex isn't something that I should do lightly, and I should run out and have sex with just anyone. I mean, when I say I'll have sex in my next relationship I don't mean I'm going to be doing that within the first weekend or something. But realistically I've never looked at sex as being some big deal. To me sex is just another thing you do physically as your relationship progresses.
You may think that after all the drama with Tyler over a blow job that I shouldn't even be considering sex. But the thing is, I never thought that I wasn't ready to give a blow job. The thought in itself does not disgust me. It's not that I wasn't mature enough to handle that aspect of a physical relationship. I just knew that I didn't want to do that with Tyler. I knew that with him that was something I would regret. I also knew that he didn't deserve it.
Don't worry girls, I haven't gone crazy. Considering it will be my first time having sex I will be sure to be selective about the person I choose to do it with. I do want it to be special, but now that I think about my old conceptions about it-the whole waiting a certain amount of time-I just think that's so juvenile and silly. It's not like if you're not ready to do it 4 months in you'll be ready to do it 6 months in. I mean, I feel like that's something you know you want to do with someone pretty early on. For instance, I knew I didn't want to ever have sex with Tyler, and I never had intentions of having sex with Josh either (even before I realized that would never really be an issue :-P). Would I be right to assume, Lizz, that you knew you wanted to have sex with Reed pretty early on?
To clarify, I don't want you guys to think that I mean I'm going to skip all the steps that lead up to sex, physically. Certainly not. I won't rush it. And I won't do it unless I'm sure (in that particular relationship). What I'm saying is that I'm ready and if I'm given the right circumstances I'm going to go for it. I'm so ready!

"And yes we live in desperate times.
With faded words and shaky rhymes, there's only one thing here worth hoping for.
With Lucifer beneath you and God above.
If either one of them asks you what you're living of, say love."

I've also officially decided I am going to get two more tattoos. I want to get either "So Much Love" or "Improbe Amor, quid non mortalia pectora cogis!" (Cruel Love, to what do you not drive the hearts of men) right on my underwear line. Like low enough that you would never see it unless I was naked. And then I want to get either a Treble Clef or a Triplet on my left wrist (about the same size as we used to do LP). I'm considering one day getting something underneath my ankle bone on my left foot, but it'd be really tiny. That's just another interesting place I could get one, but I don't have any serious plans to get anything there. Don't worry guys, I'm not addicted to tattoos or anything. I'm never going to get anything big or anywhere that's ridiculous or not easy to hide. So what do you guys think? I thought those two tattoos were pretty simple and not things I would regret getting in the future.
I need to read psychology now, so that's it for now.

I love you guys!
-Cougzzz <3