Would it be ridiculous if I asked for everything in the world? I guess that would be asking too much, at least for one person to handle by herself. One thing I do ask for is that I have a laptop where the keyboard glows. Presently, I’m writing by the glow of my Toshiba screen and other various glowing icons. Woah you know what would be crazy?? A glow in the dark laptop!!! Or is there one already out there in the world? Ah who knows. I would totally google it except the fact that I do not have internet access in my room . =/ I have spent so much more time in my own room this year than I probably did in high school. Interesting eh? Isn’t usually the other way around? I’ve always like my room. Though there are lots of times I can recall feeling trapped in here, just wanting to get out and do things and be with people. It’s not like that so much now. I find myself wanting to stay in more often than not. Maybe it’s just a phase. I’m not sad! Don’t get me wrong. Call it more of a safe haven. You guys know how much of a dreamer I am, and in my room my mind just wanders. Anything is possible.
In the past, I think if you asked me what I wanted I’d say something like, “Uh I don’t know। Well। . . work with people and help them.” Which was true but other than that I really didn’t have the slightest clue. What am I saying? I still don’t know. However, I feel like things are starting to become a little clearer. More ideas sound and look actually doable. I think me wanting to be a teacher has been something that’s been in the back of my mind for a long time. *shrugs* hopefully it doesn’t seem too crazy/ridiculous of an idea. And also you know how I keep talking about the places I want to go? I really feel that I have more drive to take the necessary steps to accomplish the goals I sputter out there. (or at least attempt to. I’ll crawl/roll/sneak attack my way there if I have to damnit!) hahah. Sometimes I feel like I get that “look” [the oh how cute she wants to travel such youthful thinking. Or that’s most likely not going to happen, at least not for a long time] from people when I’d say, “yeahh I’m planning on going to Japan/India/Egypt/Greece etc” It seems like the “Fuck you, I’m going to do it” spirit is starting to kick in! hahahah.
Yes I do know that there’s still a whole lot of things I need to do in order to get what I want, but now I’m willing to do it. You know? And yet, there’s a shit load that I’m still clueless about. Did I just contradict myself? Ugh sorry I’m just babbling. xD
“Nothing in this world happens without a reason. That we are all exactly where we are supposed to be, and that the pieces of the puzzle have a tendency to come together when you least expect it.”
Question: Have you all reread the tarot card readings that Lizz did for us on Halloween? [Gah! I wanna go to Hallowscream!! Teehee] mine is sort of spot on। especially with this one recently:
Obstacles: Page of Cups
“Frustration… the Page seeks attention and has difficulty expressing his feelings in a positive way. He may be a child or young person in your life who is going through a difficult phase.” I think this card could either be a person in your life, perhaps a male you’re interested in or who’s interested in you, or it could be you yourself, going through the “difficult phase” of adjusting to adulthood.
Yeah. Well the Mark chapter from the Great Book of Chrissy’s Loves has ended [for now, we might resume come summer. Options. Options.] Near the end of winter break I went out to lunch with Mama to Panera. We talked a lot. I complained about Zach and Mark. [Zach-needs someone to knock some sense into him. Mark-he’s too fucking nice.] My poor mother had to listen to me contradict myself about mark so much that she asked what I liked about him. After gushing all the things I liked she stated, "It seems you love Mark.”
“SHUT UP!” I screeched in such a defensive way that it is beyond embarrassing. And then I realized I just shouted at my mother in a public place and felt horrible. Mama wasn’t offended. She was amused and said my response was sincere. I also apologized a bazillion times. Lol.
Yes I loved Mark. Up until that time with my Mama I don’t think anyone has said that out loud. Sure I’d say, “I like Mark soo much. . . and I love this about him.” But I don’t think I’ve ever admitted to myself of actually loving him in the serious sort of way. “Love” was a word I avoided associating with Mark because I think it would have hurt too much. Mama said it made sense. Mark and I have a really good friendship. I mean it’s really good. We’re comfortable with each other. I didn’t want to ruin it. So when Mama said, “It seems you love Mark” it felt like a huge weight was lifted off me. Finally, someone said out loud what I was too scared to admit. Because I recognized it, I feel so much lighter. Is that odd?
I haven’t recently thought much about him. That might have to do with the fact that someone else has sort of caught my eye. But there’s nothing really interesting to report. I’ll just say he’s Class of ’09, taller than me, looks fit in general. Oh and he’s white. Be proud, I’m branching out. =p So guess you could say he’s a bounce-back crush? Who knows, it could be more. Mmm will just wait and see. Options. Options. If anything I’d like to actually develop a friendship with him. [erm more than just a “hi I sit next to you” type friendship]
Uh-oh Zach is in town. Guess I should go and hangout with him sometime this weekend. Here’s the run down on Zach. He didn’t go into the Army because of some screw up paperwork that wasn’t his fault. So, he’s staying in Richmond with his aunt and uncle (I think) and going to some community college up there. Zach’s dad was the one who suggested he go to Richmond to at least get out of the house. Zach’s going to get his education first then join the army or go into the army through ROTC. Yep yep cool cool.
Near future: Ace of Wands
“Delay… the timing is not right for what you want to create… this causes frustration… success is within reach, however, and with patience it will come.”
Patience. Ahh patience, how I wish we could be better friends. How are you all doing? I still miss you guys bunches! Sorry if I totally and completely bored you to death. I’ll try to write about something more interesting next time! =] So for the time being, I’ll just focus on my studies more. 3.7 GPA or higher! LET’S GO! Lolol.
..::Chris::..
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